“How many old people does it take to change a light bulb?”

“Change?!!!!!!”

Growing older is often associated with an unwillingness to change.

Sadly, it’s often true. You may have heard phrases like “I’m too old to think about that” or “I’m too set in my ways to change now.”

Accepting and Adapting to Inevitable Changes

From the womb to the tomb and beyond, our physical bodies constantly undergo change.

At the beginning of our lives, these changes are welcomed. We learn to talk, to walk, to run; we grow larger and stronger. But as we age, physical change means loss: of hearing, vision, smell, taste, and even touch. (Ohio Dept. of Aging)

Largely, these changes are beyond our control, so we’re forced to adapt. We turn up the sound on our TV’s; we purchase glasses.

Change by Choice

Beyond adapting to these inevitable changes, I maintain there are other changes we can choose to make: changes that can mean the difference between thriving and merely surviving.

Resisting Intellectual Changes: “I don’t want to.”

We can use aging as an excuse not to change our minds about anything, expressed in statements like:

1. I’ve always believed [fill in the blank]. I’m too old now to change. If you challenge me with any new ideas, you’re either a fool or an extremist.
2. Even though I may be bitter about things that have happened in the past, don’t make me examine myself or question my own integrity. (I’m afraid of what I might find.)
3. I can’t learn anything new; why try? You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

We need to make sure we don’t confuse steadfastness with stubbornness. Steadfastness means being true to a belief system we have chosen after careful consideration of the alternatives – not merely giving in to traditional beliefs or peer pressure.

To borrow from Jeff Foxworthy, you might be stubborn if you say – or think, “Don’t confuse me with the facts.”

Resisting Physical Changes: “It’s too hard.”

1. I’m overweight. At my age, there’s nothing I can do about it.
2. I have an age-related disease; there’s nothing I can do about it.

This is the talk of a victim who has given up. But we all know of people – of all ages – who overcome extraordinary physical challenges to achieve extraordinary accomplishments.

Maybe this is where stubbornness – or call it determination – is of value. Maybe that’s what we lose as we age. We accept too much, accept physical states as inevitable that are not, such as weight gain and chronic disease.

I recently met a woman in her 80’s who had lost about 30 pounds in the last couple of years. Was it more difficult for her to lose weight than for those in their 30’s or even 40’s? Of course! Was it worth it? Of course!

Making Hard Choices

It’s hard to admit you have been wrong all these years.

It’s hard to learn new things. It takes longer than it used to, and we don’t retain it all.

It’s hard to exercise, or build muscle, or sacrifice favorite TV programs to get out and move.

Laziness – or convincing ourselves we’re just too tired – may be key here. Sometimes we just don’t want to go to the trouble of changing anything.

But think of the consequences of changes we make by choice. An exciting, fresh outlook. An open mind. New discoveries. Renewed mental and physical energy. Greeting each day with gratitude and enthusiasm for the challenges it will bring.

Talk to me. Have you made some difficult changes in your outlook or lifestyle? What did you have to sacrifice? Was it worth it?

This is NOT Mrs. Miller.

What do you think when someone speaks of being “90 years young”?

I’ve always heard that expression as a cute substitute for “old.” Since the expression rarely refers to someone younger than 50, it’s at once an admission of age and a determination not to be categorized.

On NPR’s August 9^th Weekend Edition, in a story entitled “Remember: The Ball is Your Friend,” essayist and “literary activist” E. Ethelbert Miller tells about his 59-year-old wife’s decision to play basketball for the first time in her life. In passing, he mentions that the “challenge” he and his wife face is “being 60-young instead of 60-old.”

So I’m not the only one!

Somehow, the number 60 motivates some of us to stop and ask, “Will I be 60-young, or 60-old?” It seems to be a time for decision:  ”From here on, will I travel down a decline, up an incline, or just try to keep the road as level as possible?”

Trying to keep the road level is to hold on to the status quo, to maintain your standard of living, your present level of health and activity. It is saying, “I can relax now. Life is good; I want it to stay just this way.”

That seems reasonable, but is it possible? Can I hold onto a job using only the job skills I’ve always used? Can I maintain my level of health without exerting some effort? Can I eat the same amount I’ve always eaten without putting on pounds? Can I guarantee that family circumstances will remain the same?

Trying to keep the road level could also be, “Life may not be the way I want it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” In essence, this is the same thing as choosing to decline.

I try to avoid using expressions such as “at my age” or “I’m too old” as a reason not to try something new. Because somewhere, someone my age is getting on a bicycle for the first time in 45 years, or learning to swim, joining a women’s basketball team or starting a new business. Obviously, age has nothing to do with it.

In last summer’s Olympics in Beijing, 41-year-old American swimmer Dara Torres not only won the gold medal for the 50-meter freestyle event, but set a new world record. Her philosophy? “Age is just a number.”

Does she have to train differently than her younger competitors? Of course. Because there’s no denying that aging causes certain physical and mental changes, even deterioration, beyond our control.

At age 85 or 90, getting out of bed may be the biggest challenge to an arthritis-riddled body. I hope I’ll be blessed enough to find out. Until then, I’m determined not to take the downward slope into old age, nor to accept the status quo.

Will it mean leaving my comfort zone? Absolutely! You can’t reach the mountaintop unless you climb.

What do you think? Is it possible to maintain the status quo without extra effort? Is it foolish to think we can still have our choice of challenges into our 80’s and 90’s?

Ever since listening to Krista Tippett’s interview with Stuart Brown this past Sunday morning, I’ve been observing and thinking about the value of play. Play is not only helpful in the physical, social, emotional and mental development of children, but without play, even adults don’t function as well as we should. According to Mr. Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play,

“[Play] is uniquely and intrinsically rewarding. It generates optimism, seeks out novelty, makes perseverance fun, leads to mastery, gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these play by-products are indices of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.”

Observing the Young. It’s been a good week for my daughter and her husband to visit us. I’ve watched their playfulness with each other, their fun with table games, their need to get out of the house and go for a swim as they take advantage of their vacation time. We borrowed a basketball so Marvin could shoot hoops, and soon he was in the front yard playing kickball with our Jack Russell terrier. We didn’t know Potjie (pronounced Poykey) could push a basketball around with such adroitness!

But our terrier’s need to play, to run and to bounce through the middle of the retention pond across the street is why we enjoy having her around. It’s also one characteristic of children we find so attractive – their amazing abilities to create fun out of a cardboard box or to imagine themselves into other worlds.

I have been guilty of looking at adult playfulness as non-productive, of being passively critical of those who don’t get down to business as quickly as I think they should. After hearing the radio broadcast, I apologized to my husband for not appreciating his “adolescent” need to kid around.

Redefining Play. Last week, I might have told you that I don’t know how to play. By that I would have meant the get-down-on-the-floor, rough-and-tumble kind. By nature I am cautious and tend to think only of the physical injury that type of play could cause.

But now I have re-defined what I considered to be play. Brown suggests that if you want to re-kindle your sense of play, remember what brought pleasure to you as a child. For me, it was the freedom I felt from running barefoot. I ran everywhere in the small town where I grew up and have the scarred knees to show for it. I enjoyed “playing” the piano and singing in harmony with my siblings.

You probably won’t see me running around town as I did when I was ten, but from now I will consider walking at a faster clip not as exercise but as fun. When I’m tempted to finish computer sessions with FreeCell, I’ll play Mendelssohn instead. And I’ll recognize occasions to sing in harmony as fulfilling a personal need to play.

Irresponsible? Playing is not equivalent to irresponsibility. But I suspect your responsibilities will be easier to handle if you take a break once in a while and do “what makes you happy, what transports you beyond a sense of the clock, your schedule, that deadline — beyond time” (Krista’s Journal).

What play activities make you lose sense of time and place? Are they are from your childhood, or are they new discoveries?

Did you know that as you age, you are more likely to use both sides of your brain?

In an intriguing report in The Globe and Mail, a Toronto newspaper, Sarah Hampton cites recent research at Duke University, in which MRI’s and PET scans of the brains of people over 50 showed that when they perform tasks, they use both sides of the brain at the same time. The brains of younger adults tend to be more asymmetrical – one side is more dominant than the other.

This was good news to Dr. Gene Cohen, founding director of the Center on Aging, Health and Humanities at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., who has been a gerontologist since his medical school days. His most recent book is entitled The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain.

In Hampton’s interview, he made the following assertions:

• “Aging should not be viewed as a problem.” While we have to accept some physical deterioration with aging, our brains can remain vibrant. The adage “either you use it, or you lose it” still applies to the aging brain. Dr. Cohen suggests such activities as educational classes, writing and book groups, volunteer or paid work and arts programs.
• “Changes happen not in spite of aging but because of aging.” Wow! According to Dr. Cohen, “we have the capacity to produce brain cells all of our lives.” Is that good news, or what? If you’re like most of us, you probably won’t mind being physically incapacitated as you age if you can keep your mental acuity. When we visit a nursing home, it’s not seeing people who need a walker or a wheelchair that troubles us; it’s seeing those who stare into space, unaware of their surroundings.
• As we age, we tend “to dwell on positive rather than negative emotions.” According to the report, brain-imaging studies indicate that while the old and the young process positive emotions the same way, negative emotions are less intense in those who are older.
• “As people enter their 50s, they experience a ‘liberation phase.’” This freedom comes from two realizations: 1) If I don’t do it now, I never will; and 2) “What can they do to me now?” If you’re over 50, you may recognize both of these motivators. I believe some of this comes as a result of living in an empty nest; we are free to pursue our own interests without neglecting our responsibilities to our children.

It seems, from this report, that the wisdom of the aging comes not just from life’s experiences but from a physiological development of the brain. Dr. Cohen calls this moving “into all-wheel drive.” We may not be able to move – or even think – as fast as we once could, but with both sides of our brains engaged, we can climb hills we’ve never climbed before not only efficiently but with energy and enthusiasm.

Everyone wants to age, unless they have some kind of suicide wish. When you’re under ten years old, you call it growing up. When you’re a teenager you may say, “When I get older,” but you say it with hope, not dread.

So when does the dread start? At what age do we stop wanting to admit we’re aging? 20? 30?

Remember how when you were 12 you wanted to be 18 and when you were 18 you wanted to be 21? Is that the age when we stop wanting to be older?

In this age of emphasis on the kind of energy that only the very young can have, some people dread turning 30, because they see only a downhill slope after that.

But I believe it’s all in your attitude, which is why I’ve decided that 106 is the age to dread. By then I’m certain to be blind, deaf, toothless and no longer ambulatory. And that’s the year my oldest child will turn 80 years old and may not be able to take care of me any longer.

So go ahead. Try to talk about aging like a teenager would: With hope, with plans for the future. Why not? Because if you’re aging, it means you’re still alive.

Grab your life, shake it up, and drink it with enthusiasm.

Let’s talk about it. What age do you – or did you – dread the most? What are you planning for the future?

Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m in my 60′s.

But that’s okay!

Really!

In fact, it’s great!

Because I believe you’re never too old for discovery, for looking at the world with wonder. In fact, I’m convinced that’s what keeps you young in mind and body.

Once you decide you want everything to remain as it is – or (perish the thought) as it always has been – you can declare yourself old, even if you’re only 28.

So this is my place to share my discoveries on many topics, from many sources – my family (especially my children!), my friends, books, magazines and yes, the internet. I hope you’ll join me as we discover and re-discover the joys of life at all ages.