Visiting the nursing home yesterday cheered me up.

That’s not the reaction I’ve always had after such a visit. But yesterday, after helping my friend Shirley deliver library books to residents of the independent living/assisted living/nursing home across the street, I felt strangely encouraged.

At the time, I thought it was because we had recovered all but one of the books and videos we had previously delivered. But today, as I look back at the visit, I realize it was the attitudes of the residents.

Could they be depressed and self-pitying? Of course. For most, if not all of them, this is their last home. The day they moved in, they had to admit their mortality.

If they live long enough, those in the two-bedroom apartments in the Independent Living wing at the south end of the building will move to the Assisted Living wing, and as they need more constant care, to the Nursing Home wing.

As we carried our bags of books into the assisted living wing, we were greeted by Elnor, a friend and fellow church member, who seems to have a permanent smile on her face. Her book appetite is so healthy one of the bags we bring is filled with nothing but her books – eight to ten a month. She was the town librarian for more than 30 years.

With her was a gentleman who has apparently suffered a stroke, because his speech is slurred and difficult to understand. He greeted me with a compliment on the new railing across our front porch. I had no idea he knew who I was. (Apparently they talk about us after we leave.)

The three who cheered me most, though, were in the nursing home wing.

Luree has been in the nursing home for over a year. Her room is as comfortable and bright as her disposition. She was a school secretary for 32 years. She told us she enjoys the care she receives, adding that the lunch room was especially fun, because so many of the residents don’t know whether they are coming and going.

Rather than finding their condition depressing – as I often have – she finds it amusing! She’s not insensitive. I think that rather than looking at them with pity and fear of becoming like them, she chooses to see them as friends who are a little off their heads. I have never encountered that attitude before. I want to know Luree better in order to understand how she manages to maintain her sense of humor.

When we delivered books to Katie, whose need for care is evident by her dependence on an oxygen tank, she mentioned a recent stay in the local hospital. But she was not complaining. She expressed cheerful gratitude. “I’m okay. At least I still have my mind.” She was especially proud of the large purple and white bouquet from her son who had come back home last week for the county fair.

We deliver only movies to Karen. She’s unusual at the nursing home, because she appears to be in her 50’s. She’s not ambulatory; I’ve never seen her out of her chair, nor is there a walker in the room. I don’t know how long she’s been in the nursing home nor for what reason. But she radiates tranquility and kindness. I’m curious about her story, especially how she has attained such graceful acceptance of her condition.

Obviously, those we visited are still mentally capable of reading, comprehension, and communication. And I realize that in the nursing home wing, they may be in the minority.

I noted two who fit our typical expectations. One woman is noticeably weaker each time we visit. At almost 11:00 a.m., she was still in bed and fast asleep. We located the books she had borrowed and quietly left her room.

The other one I had not seen before. She was sitting in the hallway, staring blankly into space. She showed no recognition at Shirley’s greeting, even though they had been neighbors. Beside her sat an aide. That’s all she was doing, sitting quietly by the older woman’s side. And that, for the moment, was enough.

So for those who have lost their abilities to read, comprehend, or communicate, I am cheered by the kindness they receive from the nursing home aides and nurses. Bless them. I am in wonder at the length and breadth of their love and compassion.

Maybe, as I did yesterday, they receive more than they give to these warriors of life.

Ever since listening to Krista Tippett’s interview with Stuart Brown this past Sunday morning, I’ve been observing and thinking about the value of play. Play is not only helpful in the physical, social, emotional and mental development of children, but without play, even adults don’t function as well as we should. According to Mr. Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play,

“[Play] is uniquely and intrinsically rewarding. It generates optimism, seeks out novelty, makes perseverance fun, leads to mastery, gives the immune system a bounce, fosters empathy and promotes a sense of belonging and community. Each of these play by-products are indices of personal health, and their shortage predicts impending health problems and personal fragility.”

Observing the Young. It’s been a good week for my daughter and her husband to visit us. I’ve watched their playfulness with each other, their fun with table games, their need to get out of the house and go for a swim as they take advantage of their vacation time. We borrowed a basketball so Marvin could shoot hoops, and soon he was in the front yard playing kickball with our Jack Russell terrier. We didn’t know Potjie (pronounced Poykey) could push a basketball around with such adroitness!

But our terrier’s need to play, to run and to bounce through the middle of the retention pond across the street is why we enjoy having her around. It’s also one characteristic of children we find so attractive – their amazing abilities to create fun out of a cardboard box or to imagine themselves into other worlds.

I have been guilty of looking at adult playfulness as non-productive, of being passively critical of those who don’t get down to business as quickly as I think they should. After hearing the radio broadcast, I apologized to my husband for not appreciating his “adolescent” need to kid around.

Redefining Play. Last week, I might have told you that I don’t know how to play. By that I would have meant the get-down-on-the-floor, rough-and-tumble kind. By nature I am cautious and tend to think only of the physical injury that type of play could cause.

But now I have re-defined what I considered to be play. Brown suggests that if you want to re-kindle your sense of play, remember what brought pleasure to you as a child. For me, it was the freedom I felt from running barefoot. I ran everywhere in the small town where I grew up and have the scarred knees to show for it. I enjoyed “playing” the piano and singing in harmony with my siblings.

You probably won’t see me running around town as I did when I was ten, but from now I will consider walking at a faster clip not as exercise but as fun. When I’m tempted to finish computer sessions with FreeCell, I’ll play Mendelssohn instead. And I’ll recognize occasions to sing in harmony as fulfilling a personal need to play.

Irresponsible? Playing is not equivalent to irresponsibility. But I suspect your responsibilities will be easier to handle if you take a break once in a while and do “what makes you happy, what transports you beyond a sense of the clock, your schedule, that deadline — beyond time” (Krista’s Journal).

What play activities make you lose sense of time and place? Are they are from your childhood, or are they new discoveries?

#8 – On Delayed Gratification

“Leave some fun for later.”

– Jennifer Bryan at Wedding Reception in Houston
In a conversation about getting a (small!) tattoo
June 27, 2009

Why I Like This:

It’s a reminder to be patient with life. We don’t have to do it all now. I remember when this occurred to me, though maybe not in those words.

I must admit that at times I would view my four growing children as interruptions of my work – domestic and otherwise – until I would remember that they were my work – and pleasure. To view their needs and wants as interruptions interfered with that pleasure.

Anything else I wanted to do could wait. If it was important to me, if I had a passion for it, I’d get to it. If not, then did it really matter?

Now I look back at that time as one of the richest and most fulfilling of my life and wish I had paid more attention and savored each moment more.

Personal Note to Jennifer:

No need to lengthen your “bucket list” because you think you might be doing it all now. Your children have yet to graduate from high school, complete a higher learning degree, establish their own homes or give you grandchildren. Believe me, each of those milestones will present its own challenge. It’s fun to plan ahead, but I have a feeling you won’t find it necessary.

Personal examples:

Not on my list: Africa. When I was a child, I would never have dreamed of living – much less bearing three children – in South Africa. Yet I can’t imagine our lives without the 12 years we spent there.

On my list: Barcelona. I was intrigued by the city in 1992 when it hosted the Summer Olympics. In 2007, we were able to enjoy the city and its sights on the way back from a nostalgic trip to South Africa.

Not on my list:  Bangkok, Thailand. With children (and a grandchild!) in this remote land, it’s been moved to the top, with plans to visit in 2010.

On my list: England and Ireland someday. Who knows? It doesn’t hurt to wish. But if the wish gets waylaid, it’ll be okay, because I’ve learned that sometimes the best experiences of life happen while you’re making other plans.

Not on my list: a Tattoo. Does this mean….?

Did you know that as you age, you are more likely to use both sides of your brain?

In an intriguing report in The Globe and Mail, a Toronto newspaper, Sarah Hampton cites recent research at Duke University, in which MRI’s and PET scans of the brains of people over 50 showed that when they perform tasks, they use both sides of the brain at the same time. The brains of younger adults tend to be more asymmetrical – one side is more dominant than the other.

This was good news to Dr. Gene Cohen, founding director of the Center on Aging, Health and Humanities at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., who has been a gerontologist since his medical school days. His most recent book is entitled The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain.

In Hampton’s interview, he made the following assertions:

• “Aging should not be viewed as a problem.” While we have to accept some physical deterioration with aging, our brains can remain vibrant. The adage “either you use it, or you lose it” still applies to the aging brain. Dr. Cohen suggests such activities as educational classes, writing and book groups, volunteer or paid work and arts programs.
• “Changes happen not in spite of aging but because of aging.” Wow! According to Dr. Cohen, “we have the capacity to produce brain cells all of our lives.” Is that good news, or what? If you’re like most of us, you probably won’t mind being physically incapacitated as you age if you can keep your mental acuity. When we visit a nursing home, it’s not seeing people who need a walker or a wheelchair that troubles us; it’s seeing those who stare into space, unaware of their surroundings.
• As we age, we tend “to dwell on positive rather than negative emotions.” According to the report, brain-imaging studies indicate that while the old and the young process positive emotions the same way, negative emotions are less intense in those who are older.
• “As people enter their 50s, they experience a ‘liberation phase.’” This freedom comes from two realizations: 1) If I don’t do it now, I never will; and 2) “What can they do to me now?” If you’re over 50, you may recognize both of these motivators. I believe some of this comes as a result of living in an empty nest; we are free to pursue our own interests without neglecting our responsibilities to our children.

It seems, from this report, that the wisdom of the aging comes not just from life’s experiences but from a physiological development of the brain. Dr. Cohen calls this moving “into all-wheel drive.” We may not be able to move – or even think – as fast as we once could, but with both sides of our brains engaged, we can climb hills we’ve never climbed before not only efficiently but with energy and enthusiasm.

Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m in my 60′s.

But that’s okay!

Really!

In fact, it’s great!

Because I believe you’re never too old for discovery, for looking at the world with wonder. In fact, I’m convinced that’s what keeps you young in mind and body.

Once you decide you want everything to remain as it is – or (perish the thought) as it always has been – you can declare yourself old, even if you’re only 28.

So this is my place to share my discoveries on many topics, from many sources – my family (especially my children!), my friends, books, magazines and yes, the internet. I hope you’ll join me as we discover and re-discover the joys of life at all ages.