This is a continuation of a 3-Act Play. See Act 1, “The Conflict,” and Act 2 “The Consultant and the Boss”

Productivity Consultant:

Boss-Cheryl, I trust you’ve worked this week on being more aware of Cheryl’s time and energy restraints. And Employee-Cheryl, I hope you appreciate the changes that Boss-Cheryl is willing to make on your behalf.

This is how you can help her.

1. Budget your time like you budget your money.

I know you’re a Dave Ramsey fan, and you use his envelope system well. You decide what you’ll spend on groceries, clothing, fuel and entertainment, then you stick the cash in an envelope. You know that when the envelope’s empty, the buying is finished.

However, there’s an important difference between income and time: Income can grow; time is static.

So this is my suggestion: Your time schedule is a good start. Now, start looking at the time segments she has created as “envelopes of time.”

When your morning work segment has come to an end, that “time envelope” is empty – and you must move on to the housework segment. Be ruthless at first. Of course, you may have to adjust the schedule when you’re working directly with clients, but at least you’ll learn what’s practical.

2. Schedule a no-screen day each week – which means the computer is off all day.

Your boss doesn’t expect you to work every day. In fact, she doesn’t think it’s good for you.

Remember those computer-free Sundays you had for a while? Remember how peaceful they were? How you moved around the house, read, tidied up, took a walk, or called one of your kids? Remember that great Sunday-night Jane Austen series on Masterpiece Theater you watched? Remember how refreshed you felt on Monday morning?

You’ve fallen back into the habit of saving your writing tasks until Sunday afternoon. Then you feel like a martyr because it seems like you never get a break.

3. This may sound harsh, but you’re an embezzler.

It’s not money: it’s worse than money. You embezzle time, which can’t be replaced. You think you can steal a little here, a little there, thinking you can put it back later. But those minutes – those hours – are irreplaceable. You can never put them back.

That’s why sometimes when you get to the end of the day, you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything!

To Both of You: Recognize your priorities, and plan for interruptions.

As Cindy pointed out in her comment on Life Is Full of Choices, “The hardest part…is dealing with delays you didn’t cause — like sickness, or losing a family member you love. That can put you in a black hole not of your own choosing.”

The fact that these incidents cause delays means you know what’s really most important: Your relationships.

You realize that your business, your busy-ness, and any income that comes as a result, are merely means to an end. It means you can be a giver rather than a receiver; it means you can travel to see your grandbabies. It means you’re doing what you can to prevent being a burden to your children as you age.

When “life happens,” you’ll wish you had back the time you had wasted, you’ll wish you had finished your projects early and paid more attention to the people that are important to you.

Wrapping It Up

Make peace with your selves.

Boss, be aware of Employee’s limitations before you make a decision that involves her.

Employee, don’t you feel good, now that you’ve finished not one, not two, but three blogs this week?

Act 2: The Consultant and the Boss

See Act 1, “The Conflict,” where Self-Employee-Cheryl rebels against the work schedule that Boss-Cheryl has set for her, while also complaining of interference in her personal life.

Productivity Consultant:

As usual, both of you bear some blame for this conflict between work schedules and personal life. I’ll address my first comments to you, Boss, because it seems you have some unrealistic expectations.

1. First, purge your to-do list.

You add things to Cheryl’s duties that just pop into your head. Sometimes they’re not necessary or even helpful. But you know that once it’s on that list, it nags and nags at her.

Worse, you make her use an Outlook reminder that pops up and reminds her of what she hasn’t done. Just “as the LORD gives and the LORD takes away” – since you put it on that list, you can take it off!

2. Count the cost before agreeing to a project.

Remember your friend Kelly? As I remember, she had an impressive “house rule.” Because of limited storage in her house, she persuaded her family to think twice about every purchase. With every book, pair of jeans or piece of furniture that came into the house, an older one needed to leave.

In the same way, Cheryl’s time is limited. When you make an eight-hour commitment for her, what activity will you remove from her life? Sleep? Play? Exercise? Time with her friends and family?

Count the cost before you make promises she must keep. It will give you a more productive employee. (By the way, it wouldn’t hurt you to try that “tossing out” thing.)

3. Be aware of energy constraints.

Cheryl doesn’t have unlimited time. At her age (!), she doesn’t have unlimited energy, either. Give her only the responsibilities that are worthy of her energy.

Your friend Mitzi touched on this when she commented on the Life Is Full of Choices post. “If I expend the energy to do something, I want it to have, at least somewhat, lasting value (which is why I don’t do housework.) My time and energy are limited and I would like it to have made at least a little bit of difference when I have no more.”

Productivity Consultant:

That should give you something to work on this week. I’ll be back on Friday to see how it’s going.

Don’t think I’ve let you off the hook, Cheryl-Employee.  Between now and Friday, you need to work on your attitude. Maybe then you’ll be ready to hear what else I have to say.

Act 1: The Conflict

Employee:

I wish my boss would get off my back.

Sure, she schedules me for only 26 hours of work a week. And when I want to go off on a trip somewhere, all I have to do is give her a couple of weeks’ notice. Oh, yes, she also provides health insurance.

But she’s put this schedule on my desk, telling me which hours to work, when to take lunch, even when to do my housework.

She tells me that if I want to have any personal time in the morning, I must get up at 5:30, be dressed and ready to walk at 7:00, eat breakfast and be at my desk by 8:30.

And those items on the To-Do List she keeps piling on?! What an unreasonable, insensitive nag!

Well, I’ll show her! I’m taking a break and playing a game of FreeCell! Then I’m going to the kitchen for a snack.

Boss:

Go ahead! Play your games. Eat your apple.

But don’t come complaining to me that you’re behind schedule on two of your three blogs, your family reunion commitments, and following up on another possible paying job.

Don’t complain to me because your kitchen’s a mess, and once again, you’re getting your food to the Community Center on Friday afternoon just in the nick of time before it closes.

Sure! Go ahead! Check the latest messages on Facebook! Read every e-mail the minute it pops up. Follow every link that looks remotely interesting. You can always do your work later!

And I hear you’ve made plans to be gone most of the day on Saturday. Just when are you going to do all the work you’ve put off ‘til then?

Oh, by the way. While you were out, your daughter called. Looks like her baby may be coming earlier than planned.

Employee: Oh, no! I’m not ready! And she told you instead of me?

I can’t believe how you interfere in my personal life. I demand we call in someone to sort this out. It’s not working.

Boss: You’re right. And I know just the person. A Productivity Consultant.

Employee: Is she someone I can trust?

Boss: I think so! She’s you!

Who do you think is at fault here? What advice do you expect Productivity Consultant-Cheryl to give?

Come back on Wednesday for Act 2, in which Productivity Consultant-Cheryl advises Boss-Cheryl and Employee-Cheryl on ways they can resolve this conflict.

Your email:

 

Visiting the nursing home yesterday cheered me up.

That’s not the reaction I’ve always had after such a visit. But yesterday, after helping my friend Shirley deliver library books to residents of the independent living/assisted living/nursing home across the street, I felt strangely encouraged.

At the time, I thought it was because we had recovered all but one of the books and videos we had previously delivered. But today, as I look back at the visit, I realize it was the attitudes of the residents.

Could they be depressed and self-pitying? Of course. For most, if not all of them, this is their last home. The day they moved in, they had to admit their mortality.

If they live long enough, those in the two-bedroom apartments in the Independent Living wing at the south end of the building will move to the Assisted Living wing, and as they need more constant care, to the Nursing Home wing.

As we carried our bags of books into the assisted living wing, we were greeted by Elnor, a friend and fellow church member, who seems to have a permanent smile on her face. Her book appetite is so healthy one of the bags we bring is filled with nothing but her books – eight to ten a month. She was the town librarian for more than 30 years.

With her was a gentleman who has apparently suffered a stroke, because his speech is slurred and difficult to understand. He greeted me with a compliment on the new railing across our front porch. I had no idea he knew who I was. (Apparently they talk about us after we leave.)

The three who cheered me most, though, were in the nursing home wing.

Luree has been in the nursing home for over a year. Her room is as comfortable and bright as her disposition. She was a school secretary for 32 years. She told us she enjoys the care she receives, adding that the lunch room was especially fun, because so many of the residents don’t know whether they are coming and going.

Rather than finding their condition depressing – as I often have – she finds it amusing! She’s not insensitive. I think that rather than looking at them with pity and fear of becoming like them, she chooses to see them as friends who are a little off their heads. I have never encountered that attitude before. I want to know Luree better in order to understand how she manages to maintain her sense of humor.

When we delivered books to Katie, whose need for care is evident by her dependence on an oxygen tank, she mentioned a recent stay in the local hospital. But she was not complaining. She expressed cheerful gratitude. “I’m okay. At least I still have my mind.” She was especially proud of the large purple and white bouquet from her son who had come back home last week for the county fair.

We deliver only movies to Karen. She’s unusual at the nursing home, because she appears to be in her 50’s. She’s not ambulatory; I’ve never seen her out of her chair, nor is there a walker in the room. I don’t know how long she’s been in the nursing home nor for what reason. But she radiates tranquility and kindness. I’m curious about her story, especially how she has attained such graceful acceptance of her condition.

Obviously, those we visited are still mentally capable of reading, comprehension, and communication. And I realize that in the nursing home wing, they may be in the minority.

I noted two who fit our typical expectations. One woman is noticeably weaker each time we visit. At almost 11:00 a.m., she was still in bed and fast asleep. We located the books she had borrowed and quietly left her room.

The other one I had not seen before. She was sitting in the hallway, staring blankly into space. She showed no recognition at Shirley’s greeting, even though they had been neighbors. Beside her sat an aide. That’s all she was doing, sitting quietly by the older woman’s side. And that, for the moment, was enough.

So for those who have lost their abilities to read, comprehend, or communicate, I am cheered by the kindness they receive from the nursing home aides and nurses. Bless them. I am in wonder at the length and breadth of their love and compassion.

Maybe, as I did yesterday, they receive more than they give to these warriors of life.

This is NOT Mrs. Miller.

What do you think when someone speaks of being “90 years young”?

I’ve always heard that expression as a cute substitute for “old.” Since the expression rarely refers to someone younger than 50, it’s at once an admission of age and a determination not to be categorized.

On NPR’s August 9^th Weekend Edition, in a story entitled “Remember: The Ball is Your Friend,” essayist and “literary activist” E. Ethelbert Miller tells about his 59-year-old wife’s decision to play basketball for the first time in her life. In passing, he mentions that the “challenge” he and his wife face is “being 60-young instead of 60-old.”

So I’m not the only one!

Somehow, the number 60 motivates some of us to stop and ask, “Will I be 60-young, or 60-old?” It seems to be a time for decision:  ”From here on, will I travel down a decline, up an incline, or just try to keep the road as level as possible?”

Trying to keep the road level is to hold on to the status quo, to maintain your standard of living, your present level of health and activity. It is saying, “I can relax now. Life is good; I want it to stay just this way.”

That seems reasonable, but is it possible? Can I hold onto a job using only the job skills I’ve always used? Can I maintain my level of health without exerting some effort? Can I eat the same amount I’ve always eaten without putting on pounds? Can I guarantee that family circumstances will remain the same?

Trying to keep the road level could also be, “Life may not be the way I want it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” In essence, this is the same thing as choosing to decline.

I try to avoid using expressions such as “at my age” or “I’m too old” as a reason not to try something new. Because somewhere, someone my age is getting on a bicycle for the first time in 45 years, or learning to swim, joining a women’s basketball team or starting a new business. Obviously, age has nothing to do with it.

In last summer’s Olympics in Beijing, 41-year-old American swimmer Dara Torres not only won the gold medal for the 50-meter freestyle event, but set a new world record. Her philosophy? “Age is just a number.”

Does she have to train differently than her younger competitors? Of course. Because there’s no denying that aging causes certain physical and mental changes, even deterioration, beyond our control.

At age 85 or 90, getting out of bed may be the biggest challenge to an arthritis-riddled body. I hope I’ll be blessed enough to find out. Until then, I’m determined not to take the downward slope into old age, nor to accept the status quo.

Will it mean leaving my comfort zone? Absolutely! You can’t reach the mountaintop unless you climb.

What do you think? Is it possible to maintain the status quo without extra effort? Is it foolish to think we can still have our choice of challenges into our 80’s and 90’s?

If the first hailstorm hasn’t ruined a farmer’s corn crop in southwest Nebraska this summer, the second, third, or fourth one has. At the end of June, an evening of golf-ball sized hail was followed the next day by winds reported to be blowing at more than ninety miles an hour. Needless to say, our little town is sporting a lot of new roofs.

On the 17^th of July, at 12:04 p.m., I captured some of the severity of one of those storms with my little digital camera.  A mere 20 minutes later, noticing how distinct the shadows were on the ground, I pointed the camera toward the sky – and saw nothing but blue and cotton white.

July 17, 12:04 p.m. from Cheryl Bryan on Vimeo.

July 17, 12:24:58 p.m.

For all the severity of the wind and noise and huddles of hailstones it left behind, once the storm had passed, the crispness of the air and clarity of the shadows gave me an odd exhilaration, caused a little, I suspect, by relief that the storm was over.

Though the storm passed quickly, it left permanent damage: branches and leaves torn from the trees, tomato plants that will never produce, a dented car hood that will test our willingness to pay an insurance deductible for body work.

We picked up the debris, thankful that the trees still standing will produce new growth. We mourned the damage to the garden, hoping summer will be long enough for it to recover.

And so it is with life’s little squalls – the sudden fast-moving storms of commotion or confusion that pass through our ordered lives. They may not destroy us, as a larger storm might. Nonetheless they leave their marks, maybe in physical weakness, damaged ego, or blighted friendship.

So we must take the time to clean up the mess they leave behind: Repair what we can and adapt to the rest.

And when we see the next squall approaching, we can face it with confidence, because we know eventually the clouds will clear, revealing the blue sky and the sun, the source of light that, though concealed, was there all along.

We’ll know the clarity and new wisdom that come only on the other side of the storm.

A couple of months ago I mentioned to a young man – who is in his late teens – that my 87-year-old mother has a Facebook account. His response startled me. It was something like “That’s just sick.”

This is how I interpreted his response: “I can’t believe I would enjoy anything an old person would enjoy. Facebook is for the young, so an old person on Facebook is just not age-appropriate.”

Misconceptions. I extrapolated that reaction into attitudes a lot of us may unwittingly hold, no matter how many years we have lived. As I consider the aging process and observe those who are decades older than me, I am becoming more aware of misconceptions about those we would call elderly.

Photo by Michael Melrose

The misconceptions can begin with this phrase:

“Once you’re over the age of _____”:    [Fill in the blank with your age plus 20.]

1. You’re so set in your ways you couldn’t change if you wanted to.
2. You have no needs beyond being fed and out of pain.
3. You’re content to sit in a room by yourself in an assisted living or nursing facility with occasional social interaction with those of your own age.
4. The desire to have fun and to enjoy new experiences is important only for those younger than you are.
5. Your history doesn’t matter. What’s past is past.
6. You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be my age. Haven’t you always been old?
7. You don’t mind being dependent on others. After all, you’re old. What do you expect?
8. You’re too old to care about your appearance. Your wrinkles and sagging skin shouldn’t worry you; you can’t expect to be attractive anymore.
9. You don’t mind if I talk about you in the third person while you’re present.
10. You should keep any strong opinions to yourself. They’re sure to be outdated.

I trust none of us would express these misconceptions out loud, but as I move closer to the front of this queue we call our lifespan, I realize how many times I have misjudged, misspoken, and behaved badly toward those whom I would consider elderly.

What I Learned from Abbie Deal. This realization smacked me between the eyes a couple of months ago through the fictional character, Abbie Deal, heroine of A Lantern in Her Hand by Bess Streeter Aldrich. A Nebraska pioneer, she made countless sacrifices for the benefit of her family, resulting in their financial and professional success. Toward the end of her life, though her children loved her, they tended to patronize her and disregard her wisdom. Once, when she began to talk of something that had no connection to their conversation, they decided she was losing touch with reality. In reality, she was standing apart from them, viewing the whole picture, while they could see only the parts.

I can’t expect my young friend, with a remembered history of about 16 years, to identify with an 87-year-old woman who survived the Great Depression and the dust bowl years, with the experiences of her own generation as well as those of three generations to follow.

That’s why the more mature may not need me to defend them. They probably possess enough grace to excuse our misconceptions. They probably have enough experience to understand our misunderstandings. After all, they were our age once.

Talk to me. Am I wrong about what I perceive to be misconceptions? Do you have observations to add?

I just enjoyed my smoothie of choice – one orange, a cup or so of strawberries and a few blueberries thrown into a blender with a cup of ice and 1% milk. By the time I disposed of the orange peelings and strawberry stems, returned the milk and remaining strawberries and blueberries to the fridge and took a glass from the cupboard, it was ready to pour. And I had enough left over to put into the freezer for some iced smoothie tomorrow.

No, this is not a promotion for a blender, but for fresh fruits and vegetables – not only because they’re good for you, which of course they are, but because they’re just good! My aim is to encourage people to speak of fresh produce with the same ecstasy they now reserve for plate-sized grilled steaks, double cheeseburgers, piping hot French fries and smooth, rich chocolate ice cream.

• Consider the abundant color of fresh produce. When you enter a grocery store, your eyes are immediately drawn to the produce section. Is there any more colorful aisle – with its multiple shades of yellow, orange, red, purple and green? Compare that to the meat aisle with its bank of red meat and white chicken and fish, edible only after you’ve turned them to a brown color.

• Consider the variety of flavors. In the early summer here in the Midwest, berries, watermelon and cantaloupe are plentiful and sweet. Later we’ll enjoy honey-sweet Colorado peaches, looking forward to juicy, crisp apples in the fall and Vitamin-C laden grapefruit and oranges through the winter. Even with the short growing season in the Midwest, we can expect not only sweet corn from the farm fields but carrots, beans, beets, black-eyed peas and tomatoes from backyard gardens. When did you ever hear of “steak” in season? How boring!

• Consider their availability. For all the complaints we may have about “the world today,” it’s possible to enjoy fresh or frozen vegetables from all over the world like never before.

• Consider their cost. Side by side on a recent grocery store flyer were New York strip steaks at $5.99 per pound and green seedless grapes for $.99 per pound. Ice Cream Bars were $.70 each on sale, compared to a pound of cherries for $2.99, on sale.

Both the ice cream bars and the cherries could be considered a sweet treat. The chart below shows the difference not only in fat and calories but nutritional value. Why choose brown and white when red is so much more colorful – and less fattening and more nutritious?

It’s no wonder Eve was tempted by a piece of fruit in the Garden of Eden! She had been promised it would make her wise; she also saw it was “good for food and pleasant to the eye.”

Maybe if we were told good food was forbidden – like salty fries and rich ice cream with chocolate sauce – it would be more attractive to us.

Maybe we’d look at each other and confess, “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m indulging in fruit salad tonight!”

#7 – On the power of one

“Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”

Jeremiah 29:21
The Old Testament

Why I like this.

This portion of a letter sent from the Old Testament prophet to those in exile under King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon struck me as good advice to anyone who is in a circumstance not of their own choosing. Jeremiah is telling them to make the best of it.

Before this, he has told them that they’re going to be in Babylon for 70 years, so they might as well build houses and plant gardens. Now he tells them to do what’s best for those around them. Rather than sitting around bemoaning their fate, they should do what it takes to serve the community.

When we find ourselves in circumstances beyond our control – whether it is a geographical location, a profession, a social situation, a family predicament – or an aging body – the best thing to do is not to withdraw or to bellyache but to pitch in and do what we can for the welfare of everyone. In doing so, our circumstances will also improve.

Did you know that as you age, you are more likely to use both sides of your brain?

In an intriguing report in The Globe and Mail, a Toronto newspaper, Sarah Hampton cites recent research at Duke University, in which MRI’s and PET scans of the brains of people over 50 showed that when they perform tasks, they use both sides of the brain at the same time. The brains of younger adults tend to be more asymmetrical – one side is more dominant than the other.

This was good news to Dr. Gene Cohen, founding director of the Center on Aging, Health and Humanities at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., who has been a gerontologist since his medical school days. His most recent book is entitled The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain.

In Hampton’s interview, he made the following assertions:

• “Aging should not be viewed as a problem.” While we have to accept some physical deterioration with aging, our brains can remain vibrant. The adage “either you use it, or you lose it” still applies to the aging brain. Dr. Cohen suggests such activities as educational classes, writing and book groups, volunteer or paid work and arts programs.
• “Changes happen not in spite of aging but because of aging.” Wow! According to Dr. Cohen, “we have the capacity to produce brain cells all of our lives.” Is that good news, or what? If you’re like most of us, you probably won’t mind being physically incapacitated as you age if you can keep your mental acuity. When we visit a nursing home, it’s not seeing people who need a walker or a wheelchair that troubles us; it’s seeing those who stare into space, unaware of their surroundings.
• As we age, we tend “to dwell on positive rather than negative emotions.” According to the report, brain-imaging studies indicate that while the old and the young process positive emotions the same way, negative emotions are less intense in those who are older.
• “As people enter their 50s, they experience a ‘liberation phase.’” This freedom comes from two realizations: 1) If I don’t do it now, I never will; and 2) “What can they do to me now?” If you’re over 50, you may recognize both of these motivators. I believe some of this comes as a result of living in an empty nest; we are free to pursue our own interests without neglecting our responsibilities to our children.

It seems, from this report, that the wisdom of the aging comes not just from life’s experiences but from a physiological development of the brain. Dr. Cohen calls this moving “into all-wheel drive.” We may not be able to move – or even think – as fast as we once could, but with both sides of our brains engaged, we can climb hills we’ve never climbed before not only efficiently but with energy and enthusiasm.