To Bangkok, Houston, Albuquerque, Lincoln, Denver and back again!

And while I have had article ideas rolling around in my head, I have also been struggling with the focus of this blog, asking one of the best questions anyone can ask when making a decision: “What’s the point?”

Trying to Focus

Actually, focus is a pre-blog struggle, and one that my first blogging mentor, Seth Waite, emphasized in his very helpful but now inactive blog, The Blogging Agenda. At the time, I thought I knew what the focus would be – helping other Baby Boomers take their aging in stride, stay physically healthy and not become jaded because of our or others’ perceptions of what we should be in our 50’s and beyond.

As I progressed, however, I had a hard time gaining an audience – in part, because I wasn’t hanging out with those whom my blog might benefit. I found myself hanging out, instead, with blogging and writing experts who, though challenging and educating me, also made me realize how far behind I am in those realms.

In addition, I’m not considered any kind of expert in the field of aging well. Yes, I am comparatively healthy, take no medication (yet) and continually pursue and think about ways to keep myself from growing feeble as I age. But that doesn’t make me any kind of expert.

It makes me one more voice in this worldwide cacophony of advice and opinion they call the blogosphere.

When writing for the blog, I mentally vacillated between wanting to make it a personal journey and a research project. Response to the blogs seemed to vacillate as well. Probably because of the title, the article on Surfing Snails – written a year ago – remains the most popular blog. It’s significant that it’s one of the ones I most enjoyed writing.

But the unpaid time and effort it has taken to write the articles – popular or not – have not produced a good return. Small return for large effort produces burnout – particularly when the same amount of effort brings financial reward when expended for paying clients.

So where are you going now?

My intent now is to develop a website and blog that are more in tune with what I do for gainful employment.

For at least twelve years I have been doing what is now known as Virtual Office Assistance.

Since moving from the Chicago area in 1998, I have worked as a virtual administrative assistant for a Chicago-based General Contractor, while also working full time – first in the Career Resource Center of a university in western Tennessee, then as an office manager/copywriter/bookkeeper/project manager for a small advertising agency in the Mississippi Delta. I have now become their remote editor, proofreader and copywriter. Recently, I have also expanded into the insurance world, laying out ads and doing some research and web marketing for a small agency in Houston.

Though I still find the learning curve in the web writing/blogging sphere steep, I do not find it so in the area of administrative assistance. The organizational and software skills come naturally. MS Word, QuickBooks and Excel are daily tools, and I have used both Access and PowerPoint. My equipment is new; I regularly take phone dictation and use internet faxing services. It’s all in place. I’m good at what I do and eager to expand my capabilities.

However, I’m still not ready to give up on this blog. I still believe that as long as we have breath we can approach the world in wonder; we can recognize that we live in a wonder-filled world. This blog helps me express that passion and may give others an avenue to do the same. So until time and energy constraints make it impossible, I’m keeping this avenue open — if only to talk about the reasons for all that traveling!

You may have experienced it.

It’s a typical busy day in the office. You’re fielding calls, answering e-mails, greeting people as they come into the office.

Then someone calls who is angry before you answer the phone. They are ready – expecting – a confrontation. They have reasons to be upset and are determined you’ll hear them all.

After forty years of experience in the business world — often as the front desk person – I’ve learned how to respond.

I’ve learned how to unruffle feathers. I’ve learned when it’s important to be firm and when to give in, when to insist on what’s right and when to turn the other cheek.

If you’re the target of a complaint – whether or not it’s justified – here are my suggestions for responses to avoid, and some you might want to try.

Don’t defend yourself. Or even worse, attack the complainer. A sentence that starts with “but I” or “but you” will only engender an argument about who’s right and who’s wrong.

Do acknowledge their distress. “I appreciate how hard this has been for you,” or “I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this.” It shows your empathy for their situation, no matter who’s to blame.

Don’t make excuses. If you messed up, even if the situation was beyond your control, people don’t want to hear excuses. Just say “You’re right.” It’s amazing how those words douse anger.

Do make a plan. After you admit fault, move on. Work out a way to resolve the situation. Ask, “What would you like me to do now?” or “This is what I can do for you.” If they’re just venting because they’ve had a bad day, this will expose the real problem.

Don’t speak for other people. As an employee answering for a co-worker or employer, this means you don’t tell someone that so-and-so will fix it. It makes you a liar when they don’t fulfill your promise. Don’t make excuses for other people, either. Maybe they did mean what they said!

Do all you can do. Sometimes all you can say is that you’ll let the decision maker know of the complaint. If it’s personal, the best thing you can do is to tell the complainer to speak directly with the third party.

Don’t rely on your memory. Do keep records. If it’s a matter of compensation, make sure you have written verification of all agreements and communication, and know where to find it.

Don’t ever be rude. I can’t think of one excuse for rudeness or name-calling. If you never do business with this company again, if you never see this person again, rudeness serves no good purpose. And it’s unprofessional.

Do take the high road. Thank the critic for the criticism, whether it’s just or not, whether or not you agree with it. “I appreciate your input” are good words here. It’s not that the critic is always right; it’s just not that important, if all that’s hurt is your pride. The important thing is getting the job done, doing it well and knowing you have acted professionally and gracefully.

An advantage of being an independent contractor is that you don’t have to accept every assignment that comes your way. If a client wants something for nothing, if they’re never satisfied, if they quash your creativity, if they demand work from you that goes against your principles, you have the freedom to fire them.

You don’t have to provide good customer service to those who are no longer customers. Other professionals will appreciate your integrity, your expertise and hard work.

It’s your turn: How do you appease an angry person? What about suggestions on how to handle chronic critics you can’t fire?

Most people talk excitedly about the New Year as a new beginning, a fresh new start. For some reason, I haven’t been able to get into it this year.

Maybe it’s because I’m always making promises I don’t keep, and it gets old after awhile. Why make year-long resolutions when I’m not fulfilling my week-long promises?

I heard one man say he hesitated to make resolutions for things he should already be doing. I tend to agree with him.

Others advise you not to make resolutions; set goals instead. I agree with them, too.

Setting Career Goals

Lori Widmer at Words on a Page has challenged her readers to not only set career goals but to share monthly assessments. It’s a good challenge, designed to help freelancers advance their careers. I wanted to accept the challenge, but I didn’t. My hesitancy came not only from the fear of aiming too high and then failing but of publicizing that failure.

I also realized that, at almost 62 years old, pursuing a career is not my aim. It never has been. Sure, I want to be recognized for any professional skills I have developed. And getting paid what I’m worth is a desirable way to measure such recognition.

For me, gainful employment is a means to an end – a way to make ends meet. When our children were at home, I wanted to be available to them as much as possible, so I never worked more than a part-time job outside the home. Now that I’m nearing the age at which my mother retired from full-time work, I don’t have the inclination for it.

The freelance business I have run for the last 20 years (plus a laptop and the internet!) helps give us the freedom and means to travel both stateside and overseas to visit family and longtime friends. An aggressive career plan would take away that freedom.

Best Impulses

Experience and observation have taught me that when you follow your best impulses, good things happen – financially and otherwise.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to approach the coming months not with specific resolutions or goals, but with a motto: “Act on your best impulses.”

By nature, I’m not impulsive. I want time to consider long term benefits or possible regrets. I don’t want to get caught up in something, unable to find my way out. Besides, people who act impulsively are more likely to make mistakes, right?

But you and I both know the difference between foolish and “best” impulses. By definition, impulses involve immediate action. Best impulses benefit others.

Mine usually involve encouraging someone with a phone call, note, or even a blog comment. I’ll think, “I ought to….” And there it stops.

I either procrastinate or talk myself out of it: What if she’s asleep? What if I say the wrong thing and do more harm than good? Will it make any difference?

Rewards

Last week, in keeping with this motto, I followed a best impulse. I called an acquaintance whose depression is closely related to chronic physical pain. I don’t know her well, am always afraid I’ll intrude, won’t know what to say. Amazingly, I seemed to call at the moment she wanted to talk. All I had to say was “I’m calling to see if you’re home from the hospital.” She carried the rest of the conversation.

That positive result validated my intent. So now when I get one of those “best impulses” – which usually come when I’m doing mindless work – I’ll put down the broom, the dishcloth or the laundry and write the thank you note. I’ll make the phone call that turns “someday” into Thursday at 11.

I may even get excited about entering this New Year. May it bring plenty of best impulses.

More to the point, may we all act on them.

Talk to me: What are your “best impulses”? What has been a reward of acting on them? What happens when you don’t act immediately?

This is a continuation of a 3-Act Play. See Act 1, “The Conflict,” and Act 2 “The Consultant and the Boss”

Productivity Consultant:

Boss-Cheryl, I trust you’ve worked this week on being more aware of Cheryl’s time and energy restraints. And Employee-Cheryl, I hope you appreciate the changes that Boss-Cheryl is willing to make on your behalf.

This is how you can help her.

1. Budget your time like you budget your money.

I know you’re a Dave Ramsey fan, and you use his envelope system well. You decide what you’ll spend on groceries, clothing, fuel and entertainment, then you stick the cash in an envelope. You know that when the envelope’s empty, the buying is finished.

However, there’s an important difference between income and time: Income can grow; time is static.

So this is my suggestion: Your time schedule is a good start. Now, start looking at the time segments she has created as “envelopes of time.”

When your morning work segment has come to an end, that “time envelope” is empty – and you must move on to the housework segment. Be ruthless at first. Of course, you may have to adjust the schedule when you’re working directly with clients, but at least you’ll learn what’s practical.

2. Schedule a no-screen day each week – which means the computer is off all day.

Your boss doesn’t expect you to work every day. In fact, she doesn’t think it’s good for you.

Remember those computer-free Sundays you had for a while? Remember how peaceful they were? How you moved around the house, read, tidied up, took a walk, or called one of your kids? Remember that great Sunday-night Jane Austen series on Masterpiece Theater you watched? Remember how refreshed you felt on Monday morning?

You’ve fallen back into the habit of saving your writing tasks until Sunday afternoon. Then you feel like a martyr because it seems like you never get a break.

3. This may sound harsh, but you’re an embezzler.

It’s not money: it’s worse than money. You embezzle time, which can’t be replaced. You think you can steal a little here, a little there, thinking you can put it back later. But those minutes – those hours – are irreplaceable. You can never put them back.

That’s why sometimes when you get to the end of the day, you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything!

To Both of You: Recognize your priorities, and plan for interruptions.

As Cindy pointed out in her comment on Life Is Full of Choices, “The hardest part…is dealing with delays you didn’t cause — like sickness, or losing a family member you love. That can put you in a black hole not of your own choosing.”

The fact that these incidents cause delays means you know what’s really most important: Your relationships.

You realize that your business, your busy-ness, and any income that comes as a result, are merely means to an end. It means you can be a giver rather than a receiver; it means you can travel to see your grandbabies. It means you’re doing what you can to prevent being a burden to your children as you age.

When “life happens,” you’ll wish you had back the time you had wasted, you’ll wish you had finished your projects early and paid more attention to the people that are important to you.

Wrapping It Up

Make peace with your selves.

Boss, be aware of Employee’s limitations before you make a decision that involves her.

Employee, don’t you feel good, now that you’ve finished not one, not two, but three blogs this week?

Act 2: The Consultant and the Boss

See Act 1, “The Conflict,” where Self-Employee-Cheryl rebels against the work schedule that Boss-Cheryl has set for her, while also complaining of interference in her personal life.

Productivity Consultant:

As usual, both of you bear some blame for this conflict between work schedules and personal life. I’ll address my first comments to you, Boss, because it seems you have some unrealistic expectations.

1. First, purge your to-do list.

You add things to Cheryl’s duties that just pop into your head. Sometimes they’re not necessary or even helpful. But you know that once it’s on that list, it nags and nags at her.

Worse, you make her use an Outlook reminder that pops up and reminds her of what she hasn’t done. Just “as the LORD gives and the LORD takes away” – since you put it on that list, you can take it off!

2. Count the cost before agreeing to a project.

Remember your friend Kelly? As I remember, she had an impressive “house rule.” Because of limited storage in her house, she persuaded her family to think twice about every purchase. With every book, pair of jeans or piece of furniture that came into the house, an older one needed to leave.

In the same way, Cheryl’s time is limited. When you make an eight-hour commitment for her, what activity will you remove from her life? Sleep? Play? Exercise? Time with her friends and family?

Count the cost before you make promises she must keep. It will give you a more productive employee. (By the way, it wouldn’t hurt you to try that “tossing out” thing.)

3. Be aware of energy constraints.

Cheryl doesn’t have unlimited time. At her age (!), she doesn’t have unlimited energy, either. Give her only the responsibilities that are worthy of her energy.

Your friend Mitzi touched on this when she commented on the Life Is Full of Choices post. “If I expend the energy to do something, I want it to have, at least somewhat, lasting value (which is why I don’t do housework.) My time and energy are limited and I would like it to have made at least a little bit of difference when I have no more.”

Productivity Consultant:

That should give you something to work on this week. I’ll be back on Friday to see how it’s going.

Don’t think I’ve let you off the hook, Cheryl-Employee.  Between now and Friday, you need to work on your attitude. Maybe then you’ll be ready to hear what else I have to say.

Act 1: The Conflict

Employee:

I wish my boss would get off my back.

Sure, she schedules me for only 26 hours of work a week. And when I want to go off on a trip somewhere, all I have to do is give her a couple of weeks’ notice. Oh, yes, she also provides health insurance.

But she’s put this schedule on my desk, telling me which hours to work, when to take lunch, even when to do my housework.

She tells me that if I want to have any personal time in the morning, I must get up at 5:30, be dressed and ready to walk at 7:00, eat breakfast and be at my desk by 8:30.

And those items on the To-Do List she keeps piling on?! What an unreasonable, insensitive nag!

Well, I’ll show her! I’m taking a break and playing a game of FreeCell! Then I’m going to the kitchen for a snack.

Boss:

Go ahead! Play your games. Eat your apple.

But don’t come complaining to me that you’re behind schedule on two of your three blogs, your family reunion commitments, and following up on another possible paying job.

Don’t complain to me because your kitchen’s a mess, and once again, you’re getting your food to the Community Center on Friday afternoon just in the nick of time before it closes.

Sure! Go ahead! Check the latest messages on Facebook! Read every e-mail the minute it pops up. Follow every link that looks remotely interesting. You can always do your work later!

And I hear you’ve made plans to be gone most of the day on Saturday. Just when are you going to do all the work you’ve put off ‘til then?

Oh, by the way. While you were out, your daughter called. Looks like her baby may be coming earlier than planned.

Employee: Oh, no! I’m not ready! And she told you instead of me?

I can’t believe how you interfere in my personal life. I demand we call in someone to sort this out. It’s not working.

Boss: You’re right. And I know just the person. A Productivity Consultant.

Employee: Is she someone I can trust?

Boss: I think so! She’s you!

Who do you think is at fault here? What advice do you expect Productivity Consultant-Cheryl to give?

Come back on Wednesday for Act 2, in which Productivity Consultant-Cheryl advises Boss-Cheryl and Employee-Cheryl on ways they can resolve this conflict.

Your email:

 

Someone (Hm-m-m!) once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Good advice for a blog, as well, don’t you think? So this morning, in the interests of giving this blog some focus (while also procrastinating),  I have examined the topics and frequency of previous blogs.

Blog frequency? Two at the end of May, eleven in June, four in July, one in August. The frequency has obviously fallen off.

Topics? Six essays on aging, five on nature and other observations, four on attitude, two on health, and one on family.

Therefore, to

1. increase blog frequency,
2. create accountability,
3. address niche issues (aging well with grace, wisdom, wonder and joy) and
4. also have fun writing about subjects that catch my fancy,

I am publishing the following editorial calendar for all the world to see. (So far, that’s a world of 10 people who have left comments, 35 “unique visitors” and 30 spammers.)

Mondays: Posts about Aging: health, diet, exercise, attitude, etc.

Wednesday: Pop-up Proverbs. My intention is not to look for these, hence the term “Pop-up.” But if they were to pop up in an e-mail from a reader (that’s a hint), it would count. In lieu of pop-ups, there’s always Grandma’s Little Notebook of Sayings.

Friday: Cook’s Choice. This means personal essays, musings about sharks, snails, storms or other (self-defined) insightful observations.

Talk to me: What do you think? Still too broad? Too self-serving? If so, what type of articles would be more helpful and/or entertaining? Book reviews? Cultural commentary?

Anyone out there?

#7 – On the power of one

“Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”

Jeremiah 29:21
The Old Testament

Why I like this.

This portion of a letter sent from the Old Testament prophet to those in exile under King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon struck me as good advice to anyone who is in a circumstance not of their own choosing. Jeremiah is telling them to make the best of it.

Before this, he has told them that they’re going to be in Babylon for 70 years, so they might as well build houses and plant gardens. Now he tells them to do what’s best for those around them. Rather than sitting around bemoaning their fate, they should do what it takes to serve the community.

When we find ourselves in circumstances beyond our control – whether it is a geographical location, a profession, a social situation, a family predicament – or an aging body – the best thing to do is not to withdraw or to bellyache but to pitch in and do what we can for the welfare of everyone. In doing so, our circumstances will also improve.

Learning how to develop this blog has been – and is – great fun. Discovering anything new has always made my brain feel good.

As most of us know, if you want Internet-related help these days, you ask somebody younger. In developing this blog, my help has come from a son, a son-in-law and virtual blogging mentors. I have been amazed at the amount of free instruction they make available to anyone who wants to learn.

So, appropriately, I want to express my appreciation to:

• My Number Two Son, who advised me long ago to use WordPress, patiently answers my technical questions – all the way from Bangkok – and has never made me feel like it was too difficult for me to learn.
• Favorite Son-in-Law (graphic designer in Nashville) who customized the photo in the header. (The photo, by the way is from PD Photo.org.)

Then there are Daniel, Seth, Gideon and Lori, who all live somewhere on the Internet.

• I’ve been receiving updates from Daniel Scocco at Daily Blog Tips for months now. I don’t always understand the material he covers, but little by little, the vocabulary is becoming familiar. Through Daily Blog Tips, I met…

• Seth Waite, of  Blogging Agenda, whose “How to Start a Blog” series is just what I was looking for: a step-by-step, day-by-day guide to professional blogging.

• Through Seth I discovered Gideon Shalwick at Become a Blogger, whose video tutorials provided the technical instructions I needed to launch the blog, using WordPress as a publishing platform and design source; Name Cheap for domain name registration; Host Gator as a web host; and FileZilla for FTP software. If you need to learn what all this means, link to their sites. They’ll tell you.

While these guys provided technical know-how, without realizing it,

• Writer Lori Widmer and her 2^nd Annual Writers Worth Day motivated me to stop doing what I dreaded every day: Bidding for writing, editing, and proofreading jobs on an impersonal, competitive, I-win-at-your-expense internet job board. When I discovered her network of supportive, professional, self-respecting writers, I knew it’s where I wanted to be.

Thank you, my young mentors.

Let’s talk about it. I know we all learn from our young children – especially that patience thing. What have you learned from younger adults?