You may have experienced it.

It’s a typical busy day in the office. You’re fielding calls, answering e-mails, greeting people as they come into the office.

Then someone calls who is angry before you answer the phone. They are ready – expecting – a confrontation. They have reasons to be upset and are determined you’ll hear them all.

After forty years of experience in the business world — often as the front desk person – I’ve learned how to respond.

I’ve learned how to unruffle feathers. I’ve learned when it’s important to be firm and when to give in, when to insist on what’s right and when to turn the other cheek.

If you’re the target of a complaint – whether or not it’s justified – here are my suggestions for responses to avoid, and some you might want to try.

Don’t defend yourself. Or even worse, attack the complainer. A sentence that starts with “but I” or “but you” will only engender an argument about who’s right and who’s wrong.

Do acknowledge their distress. “I appreciate how hard this has been for you,” or “I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this.” It shows your empathy for their situation, no matter who’s to blame.

Don’t make excuses. If you messed up, even if the situation was beyond your control, people don’t want to hear excuses. Just say “You’re right.” It’s amazing how those words douse anger.

Do make a plan. After you admit fault, move on. Work out a way to resolve the situation. Ask, “What would you like me to do now?” or “This is what I can do for you.” If they’re just venting because they’ve had a bad day, this will expose the real problem.

Don’t speak for other people. As an employee answering for a co-worker or employer, this means you don’t tell someone that so-and-so will fix it. It makes you a liar when they don’t fulfill your promise. Don’t make excuses for other people, either. Maybe they did mean what they said!

Do all you can do. Sometimes all you can say is that you’ll let the decision maker know of the complaint. If it’s personal, the best thing you can do is to tell the complainer to speak directly with the third party.

Don’t rely on your memory. Do keep records. If it’s a matter of compensation, make sure you have written verification of all agreements and communication, and know where to find it.

Don’t ever be rude. I can’t think of one excuse for rudeness or name-calling. If you never do business with this company again, if you never see this person again, rudeness serves no good purpose. And it’s unprofessional.

Do take the high road. Thank the critic for the criticism, whether it’s just or not, whether or not you agree with it. “I appreciate your input” are good words here. It’s not that the critic is always right; it’s just not that important, if all that’s hurt is your pride. The important thing is getting the job done, doing it well and knowing you have acted professionally and gracefully.

An advantage of being an independent contractor is that you don’t have to accept every assignment that comes your way. If a client wants something for nothing, if they’re never satisfied, if they quash your creativity, if they demand work from you that goes against your principles, you have the freedom to fire them.

You don’t have to provide good customer service to those who are no longer customers. Other professionals will appreciate your integrity, your expertise and hard work.

It’s your turn: How do you appease an angry person? What about suggestions on how to handle chronic critics you can’t fire?

Most people talk excitedly about the New Year as a new beginning, a fresh new start. For some reason, I haven’t been able to get into it this year.

Maybe it’s because I’m always making promises I don’t keep, and it gets old after awhile. Why make year-long resolutions when I’m not fulfilling my week-long promises?

I heard one man say he hesitated to make resolutions for things he should already be doing. I tend to agree with him.

Others advise you not to make resolutions; set goals instead. I agree with them, too.

Setting Career Goals

Lori Widmer at Words on a Page has challenged her readers to not only set career goals but to share monthly assessments. It’s a good challenge, designed to help freelancers advance their careers. I wanted to accept the challenge, but I didn’t. My hesitancy came not only from the fear of aiming too high and then failing but of publicizing that failure.

I also realized that, at almost 62 years old, pursuing a career is not my aim. It never has been. Sure, I want to be recognized for any professional skills I have developed. And getting paid what I’m worth is a desirable way to measure such recognition.

For me, gainful employment is a means to an end – a way to make ends meet. When our children were at home, I wanted to be available to them as much as possible, so I never worked more than a part-time job outside the home. Now that I’m nearing the age at which my mother retired from full-time work, I don’t have the inclination for it.

The freelance business I have run for the last 20 years (plus a laptop and the internet!) helps give us the freedom and means to travel both stateside and overseas to visit family and longtime friends. An aggressive career plan would take away that freedom.

Best Impulses

Experience and observation have taught me that when you follow your best impulses, good things happen – financially and otherwise.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to approach the coming months not with specific resolutions or goals, but with a motto: “Act on your best impulses.”

By nature, I’m not impulsive. I want time to consider long term benefits or possible regrets. I don’t want to get caught up in something, unable to find my way out. Besides, people who act impulsively are more likely to make mistakes, right?

But you and I both know the difference between foolish and “best” impulses. By definition, impulses involve immediate action. Best impulses benefit others.

Mine usually involve encouraging someone with a phone call, note, or even a blog comment. I’ll think, “I ought to….” And there it stops.

I either procrastinate or talk myself out of it: What if she’s asleep? What if I say the wrong thing and do more harm than good? Will it make any difference?

Rewards

Last week, in keeping with this motto, I followed a best impulse. I called an acquaintance whose depression is closely related to chronic physical pain. I don’t know her well, am always afraid I’ll intrude, won’t know what to say. Amazingly, I seemed to call at the moment she wanted to talk. All I had to say was “I’m calling to see if you’re home from the hospital.” She carried the rest of the conversation.

That positive result validated my intent. So now when I get one of those “best impulses” – which usually come when I’m doing mindless work – I’ll put down the broom, the dishcloth or the laundry and write the thank you note. I’ll make the phone call that turns “someday” into Thursday at 11.

I may even get excited about entering this New Year. May it bring plenty of best impulses.

More to the point, may we all act on them.

Talk to me: What are your “best impulses”? What has been a reward of acting on them? What happens when you don’t act immediately?

“It’s too hot.” “It’s too cold.” “I’m too busy.” “I don’t have anything to do.”

And the complaints go on and on. Just name it, and we’ll complain about it: our health, money, our age (no matter what it is), the government, the weather, other people, our job, our children, our parents. You get the picture.

Complaining can be such a habit we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

Sometimes it’s how we interact with a certain group of friends: we have gripe sessions. You gripe about your boss, and I tell you how I understand because my boss is the same way. Or my kids or my husband, my house or my neighbors.

If we heard a tape of these sessions, we would be appalled. Who knew we were so negative?

What does whining accomplish?

First of all, it increases your misery. It reminds you of all the ways you’re unhappy.

Second, it makes others miserable. If there’s nothing they can do for you, they feel impotent. If your complaint is a result of something they did or neglected to do, they feel guilty. If it’s something they can help you with, they feel manipulated. Why not just ask?

Third, it shows a lack of gratitude. In this country, many of the things we complain about are the results of our own choices. We chose to marry, to have kids, to work for a certain company, or to live in a certain place.

So why do we whine?

Here are some of my guesses. You might be able to come up with others.

1. It relieves us of responsibility. It’s a way to blame someone or something else for our discontent. And since they’re to blame, we have no choice but to be unhappy.
2. Everyone’s doing it. We don’t want to seem too content, when everyone else in the group is so busy being unhappy. It might make them feel even worse.
3. We want someone to validate our suffering. We don’t necessarily want them to fix it; we just want them to understand what we’re going through.
4. It’s a cover-up. We want someone to understand a serious issue we’re having without having to admit it. I complain about a co-worker, but my real fear is that I’m going to lose my job. I complain to my husband that he spends too much time at work. All I really want is one night out, but I want him to suggest it.
5. We want someone else to fix it. Instead of asking for help, we complain, hoping someone will offer. I gripe about the dirty dishes because I want someone to offer to wash them.
6. We need to vent. We relieve ourselves by spewing our ill feelings onto someone else, so they can suffer as we’re suffering.

And how do I stop it?

1. Realize it’s not your duty to whine. Even if that’s the pattern you and your friends have established when you get together, you don’t have to continue it.
2. If you need help or advice, ask for it. Instead of complaining, ask, “What do you think I should do about this?” In doing so, you’re accepting responsibility.
3. Know that “this too shall pass.” The sub-zero temperatures outside may go on for days, but you know next August you’ll be wishing for cooler weather. Be thankful for the transient nature of most discomfort.
4. Recognize that others know they’re imperfect. Others are struggling, as you are, with the imperfections and/or baggage they bring to your relationship.
5. Recognize that this world is not perfect. It will never be just the way you want it. Your complaining indicates a frustrated desire for control.
6. Don’t set yourself up to complain. If you habitually approach situations expecting to have something to complain about, you will. If you expect a day of pain, you won’t be disappointed. If you expect people at a party to ignore you, they will.
7. Bite your tongue – or less painful – press your lips together – tight! It gets easier with practice.

Can I stop others from whining?

No. But you can discourage it when you’re around.

1. Don’t respond with your own complaints. Then it becomes a contest.
2. Re-direct the subject. Turn a complaint about housework into a discussion of a new technique you read about that makes housework more efficient.
3. Listen. Let the complainer know you understand by repeating her complaint back to her in different words. Try to hear the issue behind the complaint.
4. Offer to help. If you can help alleviate the problem, good. If not, it will help the complainer realize it’s up to her to either take care of it or accept the situation. I was “explaining” to a friend about all the food I had to prepare for different functions this week. She kindly offered to prepare one of them for me. She wasn’t setting me up; she would have done it. But it shamed me into silence. This was my voluntary commitment, not hers.
5. Empower them. Ask, “Is there something you can do about it?” If the answer is “No,” express your sincere sympathy. If the answer is “Yes,” they’ll anticipate the next question: “Then why don’t you?”

When I speak of complaining here, I’m not talking about informing your doctor of  unexplained chronic pain or returning an underdone steak back to a restaurant kitchen.

I’m speaking of mindless, habitual pointless whining, which brings about no positive good. Like fear, resentment, and guilt, what I call Junk Food Attitudes, it’s an easy habit to adopt, not so easy to shed.

What do you think? Can you think of other reasons why we tend to complain? Occasions we should complain? Ways to differentiate between a legitimate complaint and a whine?

“How many old people does it take to change a light bulb?”

“Change?!!!!!!”

Growing older is often associated with an unwillingness to change.

Sadly, it’s often true. You may have heard phrases like “I’m too old to think about that” or “I’m too set in my ways to change now.”

Accepting and Adapting to Inevitable Changes

From the womb to the tomb and beyond, our physical bodies constantly undergo change.

At the beginning of our lives, these changes are welcomed. We learn to talk, to walk, to run; we grow larger and stronger. But as we age, physical change means loss: of hearing, vision, smell, taste, and even touch. (Ohio Dept. of Aging)

Largely, these changes are beyond our control, so we’re forced to adapt. We turn up the sound on our TV’s; we purchase glasses.

Change by Choice

Beyond adapting to these inevitable changes, I maintain there are other changes we can choose to make: changes that can mean the difference between thriving and merely surviving.

Resisting Intellectual Changes: “I don’t want to.”

We can use aging as an excuse not to change our minds about anything, expressed in statements like:

1. I’ve always believed [fill in the blank]. I’m too old now to change. If you challenge me with any new ideas, you’re either a fool or an extremist.
2. Even though I may be bitter about things that have happened in the past, don’t make me examine myself or question my own integrity. (I’m afraid of what I might find.)
3. I can’t learn anything new; why try? You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

We need to make sure we don’t confuse steadfastness with stubbornness. Steadfastness means being true to a belief system we have chosen after careful consideration of the alternatives – not merely giving in to traditional beliefs or peer pressure.

To borrow from Jeff Foxworthy, you might be stubborn if you say – or think, “Don’t confuse me with the facts.”

Resisting Physical Changes: “It’s too hard.”

1. I’m overweight. At my age, there’s nothing I can do about it.
2. I have an age-related disease; there’s nothing I can do about it.

This is the talk of a victim who has given up. But we all know of people – of all ages – who overcome extraordinary physical challenges to achieve extraordinary accomplishments.

Maybe this is where stubbornness – or call it determination – is of value. Maybe that’s what we lose as we age. We accept too much, accept physical states as inevitable that are not, such as weight gain and chronic disease.

I recently met a woman in her 80’s who had lost about 30 pounds in the last couple of years. Was it more difficult for her to lose weight than for those in their 30’s or even 40’s? Of course! Was it worth it? Of course!

Making Hard Choices

It’s hard to admit you have been wrong all these years.

It’s hard to learn new things. It takes longer than it used to, and we don’t retain it all.

It’s hard to exercise, or build muscle, or sacrifice favorite TV programs to get out and move.

Laziness – or convincing ourselves we’re just too tired – may be key here. Sometimes we just don’t want to go to the trouble of changing anything.

But think of the consequences of changes we make by choice. An exciting, fresh outlook. An open mind. New discoveries. Renewed mental and physical energy. Greeting each day with gratitude and enthusiasm for the challenges it will bring.

Talk to me. Have you made some difficult changes in your outlook or lifestyle? What did you have to sacrifice? Was it worth it?

When my children lived at home, they heard that often from me.

I would use the phrase when they would complain about having to do something that was a result of a choice they had made.

They didn’t want to do homework after soccer practice because they were too tired? Well, “life is full of choices. You may not have a choice about the homework, but you had a choice about the soccer.”

Too tired on Saturday morning to help with the housework because they stayed up watching a late movie on TV? “Well, that was your choice, and you have to live with the consequences.”

They heard the phrase from their mean ol’ Mama so often, it became an acronym: L-I-F-O-C.

What It Meant Then

Back then, I used the phrase to remind my longsuffering family members that if their “hardship” was a result of a free choice they had made, they really had no reason to complain. Whether they realized it or not, they had chosen that hardship.

Because I heard myself repeat that phrase so often, I am acutely aware of and try to stop myself before I complain – whether or not the cause of complaint has been my choice. All complaining does is remind you and others of your discontent. Sure, complaining sometimes gets results, but at what price? (But that’s a subject for another post.)

What It Means Now

Recently, when I took on a new responsibility, “L-I-F-O-C” came back to haunt me. I had made a commitment to virtual strangers who, sight unseen, are trusting me with proofing and editing posts on their instructional Blogging with Success. I’m excited about the opportunity; it will let me use my abilities and even expand on them.

However, once the commitment was made, I had to ask myself, “Okay, Cheryl. You’re made this choice. What are you willing to give up in order to honor your commitment?”

A Simple Matter of Time

It’s a simple concept: We are each given only 24 hours in a day. When we choose to do one thing, we have decided not to do an infinite number of other things.

Since lists help give me an objective viewpoint, I typed a quick list of items I do now, have promised to do, or want to do.

Of the 21 items on the list:

• Ten use the phrase: “I have promised to” or “I have agreed to.”
• Two begin with, “I like to.” These are self-indulgent – recreational reading and playing computer games (FreeCell and Facebook’s WordTwist, to be specific).
• The rest include “I should” or “I would like to”: exercise more, call my kids more often, clean out those boxes in the basement, play my piano, follow up on blogging how-to’s I’ve printed out.

Oh yes! I also like to sleep and eat and take in a Friday night movie with my husband. And then there’s cooking, housework and laundry.

Decision Time

Before I commit to still another responsibility, I need to look at the list I’ve made and realize that if I take on something new, one of those things will have to go. Some items need to go. Most likely, I’ll discover I’m spending too much time on things that didn’t even make the list!

And I’ll remember L-I-F-O-C. It’s a good phrase – both as a reminder and a warning.

By the way, I’ve now edited the copy on two articles for Blogging with Success (for 9/16 and 9/18) and have discovered it won’t be that much of a time commitment. So — if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s my turn on WordTwist.

Talk to me. How do you decide whether or not to say “No” to projects that come your way? I already have a list of seven considerations, the beginning of another post. I’m sure you can add to my list. Thanks for your help.

If you enjoy worrying, plenty of reasons abound. They don’t have to be personal – yet. You can worry about approaching storms (and how they will affect you or those you love), the local economy (and how it will affect you and those you love), rising taxes (etc.), national healthcare (etc.), international wars and rumors of wars (etc.).

But what does such worry achieve? Nothing.

Worry has no power over circumstances. All it can do is afflict you. In fact, that’s an official definition of worry: “to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts.”

Why Worry?

I have come to the conclusion that – other than showing I care – worry is an intense desire to control a situation that is beyond my control. If there were something I could do, I would do it, right? But since this is a situation where someone or something else is in control, I’ll try to control it from a distance. I’ll wander over to the window and look out, as if pacing and peering will bring my husband in from the storm. I’ll keep looking at the telephone, willing it to ring with good news, as if by the sheer force of will I can make things happen.

Worrying shows I care, doesn’t it?

It does have that purpose – when you tell someone you’re worried about them, they know you’re thinking about them. However, if they’re prone to worry, you’ve just added to their burden. And if they’re not, you may cause them to say, “Well, I wasn’t worried before, but now I am!”

It would be better to say, “I care about you and want you to know I’m thinking about you.”

So how can I keep from worrying?

First, know this about worry:

• It solves nothing, changes nothing. It only adds to your stress level.
• It is contagious. It burdens those around you because 1) you’re giving them reasons to worry; 2) they must now comfort you, give you assurances to help you relieve the burden you’ve put on yourself.
• It will immobilize you and sap your energy. You won’t recognize – much less do – what you can do to help.
• It takes away your ability to enjoy life. If you’re always afraid to take a new path because you’re worried where it might lead, you’ll miss out on countless new discoveries. If you’re unable to enjoy the family around you because you’re worried about an absent family member, you’re cheating everyone of the pleasures you could be enjoying together.

Second, do something!

• Discourage other worriers. Firmly but kindly inform them that you are choosing not to worry about this because it’s bad for your health. Thank them for their expressions of concern.
• Do all you can to help the situation. Leave the rest to those who have control over the situation.
• Believe in the indomitable human spirit. For a moment or two, visualize the worst thing that can happen. Observe those who have undergone similar pain, loss or trauma. See how they have recovered. Believe in your own ability to recover as well.
• If you don’t know anyone personally, read of those who have gone through trials even worse than yours. It will put yours into perspective.

What If I Worry about the Past?

This is really silly! And it’s been my downfall: the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve syndrome. We know we can’t relive moments to make them more acceptable.

However, we can:

• When possible, repair the damage we have caused (if any).
• Visualize doing or saying the right thing in a future situation to prevent it from happening again.
• Let it go. Write it down and bury the note or tear it up and throw it to the wind.

Whatever your view of the Bible, the apostle Paul offered a good example on this subject in his letter to the Philippians. Responsible for the death of Christians before his conversion, he had this to say about regret:  “…this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal…”

Worrying is powerful. It has the power to stress you out, sap your energy and spread the affliction to others.

But where does this power take you? Nowhere you want to be.

Talk to me. Do you see value in worrying? Have I oversimplified the solution? Do you have further suggestions for overcoming the tendency to worry?

–Cheryl Bryan

Visiting the nursing home yesterday cheered me up.

That’s not the reaction I’ve always had after such a visit. But yesterday, after helping my friend Shirley deliver library books to residents of the independent living/assisted living/nursing home across the street, I felt strangely encouraged.

At the time, I thought it was because we had recovered all but one of the books and videos we had previously delivered. But today, as I look back at the visit, I realize it was the attitudes of the residents.

Could they be depressed and self-pitying? Of course. For most, if not all of them, this is their last home. The day they moved in, they had to admit their mortality.

If they live long enough, those in the two-bedroom apartments in the Independent Living wing at the south end of the building will move to the Assisted Living wing, and as they need more constant care, to the Nursing Home wing.

As we carried our bags of books into the assisted living wing, we were greeted by Elnor, a friend and fellow church member, who seems to have a permanent smile on her face. Her book appetite is so healthy one of the bags we bring is filled with nothing but her books – eight to ten a month. She was the town librarian for more than 30 years.

With her was a gentleman who has apparently suffered a stroke, because his speech is slurred and difficult to understand. He greeted me with a compliment on the new railing across our front porch. I had no idea he knew who I was. (Apparently they talk about us after we leave.)

The three who cheered me most, though, were in the nursing home wing.

Luree has been in the nursing home for over a year. Her room is as comfortable and bright as her disposition. She was a school secretary for 32 years. She told us she enjoys the care she receives, adding that the lunch room was especially fun, because so many of the residents don’t know whether they are coming and going.

Rather than finding their condition depressing – as I often have – she finds it amusing! She’s not insensitive. I think that rather than looking at them with pity and fear of becoming like them, she chooses to see them as friends who are a little off their heads. I have never encountered that attitude before. I want to know Luree better in order to understand how she manages to maintain her sense of humor.

When we delivered books to Katie, whose need for care is evident by her dependence on an oxygen tank, she mentioned a recent stay in the local hospital. But she was not complaining. She expressed cheerful gratitude. “I’m okay. At least I still have my mind.” She was especially proud of the large purple and white bouquet from her son who had come back home last week for the county fair.

We deliver only movies to Karen. She’s unusual at the nursing home, because she appears to be in her 50’s. She’s not ambulatory; I’ve never seen her out of her chair, nor is there a walker in the room. I don’t know how long she’s been in the nursing home nor for what reason. But she radiates tranquility and kindness. I’m curious about her story, especially how she has attained such graceful acceptance of her condition.

Obviously, those we visited are still mentally capable of reading, comprehension, and communication. And I realize that in the nursing home wing, they may be in the minority.

I noted two who fit our typical expectations. One woman is noticeably weaker each time we visit. At almost 11:00 a.m., she was still in bed and fast asleep. We located the books she had borrowed and quietly left her room.

The other one I had not seen before. She was sitting in the hallway, staring blankly into space. She showed no recognition at Shirley’s greeting, even though they had been neighbors. Beside her sat an aide. That’s all she was doing, sitting quietly by the older woman’s side. And that, for the moment, was enough.

So for those who have lost their abilities to read, comprehend, or communicate, I am cheered by the kindness they receive from the nursing home aides and nurses. Bless them. I am in wonder at the length and breadth of their love and compassion.

Maybe, as I did yesterday, they receive more than they give to these warriors of life.

#9 – On the Value of Money

“Money is the longest route to happiness.”

Evangeline Lilly, cast member of Lost television program
Quoted in Women’s Health magazine, June 2009.

Why I Like This.

I see a road extending so far you can’t see the end. If we think we can’t be happy until we reach a certain level of wealth, we’ll almost certainly never reach the goal. For when we reach the first level of wealth, we’ll see that there’s still more road ahead.

And while we’re on that long road, we pass by the flowers, streams, sunsets and the smiling friends and family that could have provided us that happiness all along.

Whenever I’m feeling financially confined, lacking freedom to come and go and do as I please, I feel better remembering something our mother used to say: Be thankful if your problems can be solved just by having more money.

Because money is inadequate when it comes to solving many of our problems. Only generous amounts of love, forgiveness, patience, time, and acceptance can hold a family together, mend estranged relationships, or heal a broken heart.

This is NOT Mrs. Miller.

What do you think when someone speaks of being “90 years young”?

I’ve always heard that expression as a cute substitute for “old.” Since the expression rarely refers to someone younger than 50, it’s at once an admission of age and a determination not to be categorized.

On NPR’s August 9^th Weekend Edition, in a story entitled “Remember: The Ball is Your Friend,” essayist and “literary activist” E. Ethelbert Miller tells about his 59-year-old wife’s decision to play basketball for the first time in her life. In passing, he mentions that the “challenge” he and his wife face is “being 60-young instead of 60-old.”

So I’m not the only one!

Somehow, the number 60 motivates some of us to stop and ask, “Will I be 60-young, or 60-old?” It seems to be a time for decision:  ”From here on, will I travel down a decline, up an incline, or just try to keep the road as level as possible?”

Trying to keep the road level is to hold on to the status quo, to maintain your standard of living, your present level of health and activity. It is saying, “I can relax now. Life is good; I want it to stay just this way.”

That seems reasonable, but is it possible? Can I hold onto a job using only the job skills I’ve always used? Can I maintain my level of health without exerting some effort? Can I eat the same amount I’ve always eaten without putting on pounds? Can I guarantee that family circumstances will remain the same?

Trying to keep the road level could also be, “Life may not be the way I want it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” In essence, this is the same thing as choosing to decline.

I try to avoid using expressions such as “at my age” or “I’m too old” as a reason not to try something new. Because somewhere, someone my age is getting on a bicycle for the first time in 45 years, or learning to swim, joining a women’s basketball team or starting a new business. Obviously, age has nothing to do with it.

In last summer’s Olympics in Beijing, 41-year-old American swimmer Dara Torres not only won the gold medal for the 50-meter freestyle event, but set a new world record. Her philosophy? “Age is just a number.”

Does she have to train differently than her younger competitors? Of course. Because there’s no denying that aging causes certain physical and mental changes, even deterioration, beyond our control.

At age 85 or 90, getting out of bed may be the biggest challenge to an arthritis-riddled body. I hope I’ll be blessed enough to find out. Until then, I’m determined not to take the downward slope into old age, nor to accept the status quo.

Will it mean leaving my comfort zone? Absolutely! You can’t reach the mountaintop unless you climb.

What do you think? Is it possible to maintain the status quo without extra effort? Is it foolish to think we can still have our choice of challenges into our 80’s and 90’s?

If the first hailstorm hasn’t ruined a farmer’s corn crop in southwest Nebraska this summer, the second, third, or fourth one has. At the end of June, an evening of golf-ball sized hail was followed the next day by winds reported to be blowing at more than ninety miles an hour. Needless to say, our little town is sporting a lot of new roofs.

On the 17^th of July, at 12:04 p.m., I captured some of the severity of one of those storms with my little digital camera.  A mere 20 minutes later, noticing how distinct the shadows were on the ground, I pointed the camera toward the sky – and saw nothing but blue and cotton white.

July 17, 12:04 p.m. from Cheryl Bryan on Vimeo.

July 17, 12:24:58 p.m.

For all the severity of the wind and noise and huddles of hailstones it left behind, once the storm had passed, the crispness of the air and clarity of the shadows gave me an odd exhilaration, caused a little, I suspect, by relief that the storm was over.

Though the storm passed quickly, it left permanent damage: branches and leaves torn from the trees, tomato plants that will never produce, a dented car hood that will test our willingness to pay an insurance deductible for body work.

We picked up the debris, thankful that the trees still standing will produce new growth. We mourned the damage to the garden, hoping summer will be long enough for it to recover.

And so it is with life’s little squalls – the sudden fast-moving storms of commotion or confusion that pass through our ordered lives. They may not destroy us, as a larger storm might. Nonetheless they leave their marks, maybe in physical weakness, damaged ego, or blighted friendship.

So we must take the time to clean up the mess they leave behind: Repair what we can and adapt to the rest.

And when we see the next squall approaching, we can face it with confidence, because we know eventually the clouds will clear, revealing the blue sky and the sun, the source of light that, though concealed, was there all along.

We’ll know the clarity and new wisdom that come only on the other side of the storm.