Aging in Wonder

A few weeks ago, while clearing out some books, I discovered an old paperback copy of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in 1936. Although it’s a little antiquated – it speaks only of business men, for instance – the principles still apply. One in particular seemed to sum up all the principles he had previously introduced: “Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.”

The other points in the chapter, titled “Six Ways to Make People Like You,” were

Be genuinely interested in other people.

Smile.

Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Talk in terms of the other man’s interest.

Five Ways to Make Others Feel Important

These are also ways you can make others feel important — and make them your friends.

1. “Be” – not just “act” – interested in other people. Want to know them, their interests, their likes and dislikes.
2. Make a personal connection by looking directly at people and smiling at them.
3. Within reason, say their names at every opportunity. (This also helps you remember names.)
4. Listen to their stories without wanting to tell your own, but with the aim of knowing them better.
5. After you’ve done that, you will be able to speak in terms of their interests: Asking about their grandchildren or their favorite football team.

Some people seem to do this naturally. When they talk to you, you feel as if no one else matters; for those moments, you are the most important person in the room. The rest of us, who have a tendency to relate whatever is happening in our own lives, may have to consciously develop this habit.

The rewards

It will help your interpersonal relationships. Genuine interest in another person develops trust.

It engenders friendship. It makes others feel better about themselves when they are around you. It makes them better people for knowing you.

As you interact with people, think about what would make them feel important. I predict you’ll experience an instant change of attitude. You’ll see that “difficult” person who always seems to be begging for attention in a different light. She doesn’t mean to be irritating; she only wants to feel important.

You’ll listen more intensely when others speak, even if it’s on a topic that’s not usually of interest to you.

You’ll be more attentive to members of your family. More than anyone else, they need to know they’re  important to you.

Thanks, Mr. Carnegie. Even after 74 years, your words still ring true.

Talk to me.

Do you know someone who is naturally one of those intense listeners, who seems to hang onto every word you say? Or tell me of your reaction when someone who sees you infrequently somehow always remembers your name.

Your email:

 

Attitudes, Books Dale Carnegie, Friendship, listening, relationships

You may have experienced it.

It’s a typical busy day in the office. You’re fielding calls, answering e-mails, greeting people as they come into the office.

Then someone calls who is angry before you answer the phone. They are ready – expecting – a confrontation. They have reasons to be upset and are determined you’ll hear them all.

After forty years of experience in the business world — often as the front desk person – I’ve learned how to respond.

I’ve learned how to unruffle feathers. I’ve learned when it’s important to be firm and when to give in, when to insist on what’s right and when to turn the other cheek.

If you’re the target of a complaint – whether or not it’s justified – here are my suggestions for responses to avoid, and some you might want to try. Read more…

Attitudes, Work anger, complaints, customer service, service

Most people talk excitedly about the New Year as a new beginning, a fresh new start. For some reason, I haven’t been able to get into it this year.

Maybe it’s because I’m always making promises I don’t keep, and it gets old after awhile. Why make year-long resolutions when I’m not fulfilling my week-long promises?

I heard one man say he hesitated to make resolutions for things he should already be doing. I tend to agree with him.

Others advise you not to make resolutions; set goals instead. I agree with them, too. Read more…

Attitudes, Work Goals, Impulses, New Year, Resolutions, Time Management

“It’s too hot.” “It’s too cold.” “I’m too busy.” “I don’t have anything to do.”

And the complaints go on and on. Just name it, and we’ll complain about it: our health, money, our age (no matter what it is), the government, the weather, other people, our job, our children, our parents. You get the picture.

Complaining can be such a habit we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

Sometimes it’s how we interact with a certain group of friends: we have gripe sessions. Read more…

Attitudes Acceptance, Complaining

“How many old people does it take to change a light bulb?”

“Change?!!!!!!”

Growing older is often associated with an unwillingness to change.

Sadly, it’s often true. You may have heard phrases like “I’m too old to think about that” or “I’m too set in my ways to change now.”

Accepting and Adapting to Inevitable Changes

From the womb to the tomb and beyond, our physical bodies constantly undergo change. Read more…

Attitudes, Choice Change, Choice, Energy, Exercise, Health, Never too old

When my children lived at home, they heard that often from me.

I would use the phrase when they would complain about having to do something that was a result of a choice they had made.

They didn’t want to do homework after soccer practice because they were too tired? Well, “life is full of choices. You may not have a choice about the homework, but you had a choice about the soccer.”

Too tired on Saturday morning to help with the housework because they stayed up watching a late movie on TV? “Well, that was your choice, and you have to live with the consequences.”

They heard the phrase from their mean ol’ Mama so often, it became an acronym: L-I-F-O-C. Read more…

Attitudes, Choice Choices, Decisions, List, Time Management

If you enjoy worrying, plenty of reasons abound. They don’t have to be personal – yet. You can worry about approaching storms (and how they will affect you or those you love), the local economy (and how it will affect you and those you love), rising taxes (etc.), national healthcare (etc.), international wars and rumors of wars (etc.).

But what does such worry achieve? Nothing.

Worry has no power over circumstances. All it can do is afflict you. In fact, that’s an official definition of worry: “to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts.” Read more…

Attitudes Anxiety, Worry

Visiting the nursing home yesterday cheered me up.

That’s not the reaction I’ve always had after such a visit. But yesterday, after helping my friend Shirley deliver library books to residents of the independent living/assisted living/nursing home across the street, I felt strangely encouraged.

At the time, I thought it was because we had recovered all but one of the books and videos we had previously delivered. But today, as I look back at the visit, I realize it was the attitudes of the residents. Read more…

Attitudes Acceptance, Aging, Attitude, Joys of Life, Nursing Homes

#9 – On the Value of Money

“Money is the longest route to happiness.”

Evangeline Lilly, cast member of Lost television program
Quoted in Women’s Health magazine, June 2009.

Why I Like This.

I see a road extending so far you can’t see the end. If we think we can’t be happy until we reach a certain level of wealth, we’ll almost certainly never reach the goal. For when we reach the first level of wealth, we’ll see that there’s still more road ahead.

And while we’re on that long road, we pass by the flowers, streams, sunsets and the smiling friends and family that could have provided us that happiness all along.

Whenever I’m feeling financially confined, lacking freedom to come and go and do as I please, I feel better remembering something our mother used to say: Be thankful if your problems can be solved just by having more money.

Because money is inadequate when it comes to solving many of our problems. Only generous amounts of love, forgiveness, patience, time, and acceptance can hold a family together, mend estranged relationships, or heal a broken heart.

Attitudes, Wisdom Materialism, Money, Wealth

This is NOT Mrs. Miller.

What do you think when someone speaks of being “90 years young”?

I’ve always heard that expression as a cute substitute for “old.” Since the expression rarely refers to someone younger than 50, it’s at once an admission of age and a determination not to be categorized.

On NPR’s August 9^th Weekend Edition, in a story entitled “Remember: The Ball is Your Friend,” essayist and “literary activist” E. Ethelbert Miller tells about his 59-year-old wife’s decision to play basketball for the first time in her life. In passing, he mentions that the “challenge” he and his wife face is “being 60-young instead of 60-old.”

So I’m not the only one! Read more…

Attitudes, Choice Aging, Attitude, Exercise, Getting Older, Never too old, Over 60, Play, Staying Young