2010 – Same ol’, same ol’?
Most people talk excitedly about the New Year as a new beginning, a fresh new start. For some reason, I haven’t been able to get into it this year.
Maybe it’s because I’m always making promises I don’t keep, and it gets old after awhile. Why make year-long resolutions when I’m not fulfilling my week-long promises?
I heard one man say he hesitated to make resolutions for things he should already be doing. I tend to agree with him.
Others advise you not to make resolutions; set goals instead. I agree with them, too.
Setting Career Goals
Lori Widmer at Words on a Page has challenged her readers to not only set career goals but to share monthly assessments. It’s a good challenge, designed to help freelancers advance their careers. I wanted to accept the challenge, but I didn’t. My hesitancy came not only from the fear of aiming too high and then failing but of publicizing that failure.
I also realized that, at almost 62 years old, pursuing a career is not my aim. It never has been. Sure, I want to be recognized for any professional skills I have developed. And getting paid what I’m worth is a desirable way to measure such recognition.
For me, gainful employment is a means to an end – a way to make ends meet. When our children were at home, I wanted to be available to them as much as possible, so I never worked more than a part-time job outside the home. Now that I’m nearing the age at which my mother retired from full-time work, I don’t have the inclination for it.
The freelance business I have run for the last 20 years (plus a laptop and the internet!) helps give us the freedom and means to travel both stateside and overseas to visit family and longtime friends. An aggressive career plan would take away that freedom.
Best Impulses
Experience and observation have taught me that when you follow your best impulses, good things happen – financially and otherwise.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to approach the coming months not with specific resolutions or goals, but with a motto: “Act on your best impulses.”
By nature, I’m not impulsive. I want time to consider long term benefits or possible regrets. I don’t want to get caught up in something, unable to find my way out. Besides, people who act impulsively are more likely to make mistakes, right?
But you and I both know the difference between foolish and “best” impulses. By definition, impulses involve immediate action. Best impulses benefit others.
Mine usually involve encouraging someone with a phone call, note, or even a blog comment. I’ll think, “I ought to….” And there it stops.
I either procrastinate or talk myself out of it: What if she’s asleep? What if I say the wrong thing and do more harm than good? Will it make any difference?
Rewards
Last week, in keeping with this motto, I followed a best impulse. I called an acquaintance whose depression is closely related to chronic physical pain. I don’t know her well, am always afraid I’ll intrude, won’t know what to say. Amazingly, I seemed to call at the moment she wanted to talk. All I had to say was “I’m calling to see if you’re home from the hospital.” She carried the rest of the conversation.
That positive result validated my intent. So now when I get one of those “best impulses” – which usually come when I’m doing mindless work – I’ll put down the broom, the dishcloth or the laundry and write the thank you note. I’ll make the phone call that turns “someday” into Thursday at 11.
I may even get excited about entering this New Year. May it bring plenty of best impulses.
More to the point, may we all act on them.
Talk to me: What are your “best impulses”? What has been a reward of acting on them? What happens when you don’t act immediately?
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I love your ability to put my feelings into words, especially that of goal setting for MY time of life, which is very close to your own. I still maintain a Franklin Planner, but it has now become week-at-a-glance with NO to-do list.
Last night, I talked to a young mother, one I’ve known since the birth of her [down's syndrome] child. She has three now, and puts a lot of energy into them. So far… she and her husband just recently started worshiping with us…. we’ve just had relatively surface conversations. For some reason, I paused last night to talk to her, ended up giving her a hug which brought tears to her eyes. She MUST be undergoing some trial right now, but who would’ve known.
Though I haven’t verbalized it, or even written it down, I’m trying to get more connected with people at church. Because of Jay’s reluctance to “have company,” we’ve let ourselves develop too many relationships that are friendly, but not very intimate.
Once again, I’m not sticking with your question, but I, too, have recently realized I have good impulses that go away if not acted upon. I’m trying to pay more attention to those random thoughts that pop up, on the assumption there’s something important there if I just take the time to look at it.
Thanks for your reply, Yvonne. It’s amazing what a kind word spoken at the right time can do. Aren’t you glad you were there at that moment?
And I think mysterious things are going on when we have those random thoughts. Why else do people just happen to be thinking of each other at the same time? There’s just so much we don’t know about all of that. Our job, I think, is to act on them — if they’re good impulses, of course. Sadly, whether you call them resolutions or mottoes, it’s hard to form new habits. And paying attention to those random thoughts — or best impulses — would be a good habit. Or at least a good experiment! Maybe that would be a more exciting approach.
Oh — I have a to-do list (teux-deux list, actually), and am still trying to be realistic with it. And trying to estimate how long things will take me. Perfection takes a while, you know. :>)
I had somewhat similar experience but it because I let somebody help me and I tried to pay them and found out her feelings would be hurt if I didn’t let her help me. She is an older lady with an ailing husband and they are in the place they have to take a lot of help and she really wanted to help me by casting her bread upon the waters. Those are my words not hers. But truly sometimes is much harder to get than to give. She was so sweet. She almost cried when I let her make the gesture.
And that’s the other side of this coin, Mother. Sometimes what’s best for other people is to accept their gift. There’s nothing quite as hurtful as having a gift rejected, and we always need to be sensitive to other people’s need to be generous.