Comments on: Why We Whine and How to Stop It

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:59:11 +0000

Sure, Mitzi — whatever helps! Just writing about it has helped me — for now, at least. Most of us have no idea we’re even doing it. The last couple of days, since I’ve become more aware of it, the gripe is out of my mouth before I can catch it. Old habits are hard to break.

By: Mitzi Scarborough

Mitzi Scarborough — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:55:54 +0000

GREAT ideas here! Thank you, Cheryl. Can I print this and leave copies laying around all over my work place? Others might read it, or better yet, it might remind me to keep my mouth closed more!

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:33:43 +0000

Thanks for that addition, Sebastyne.

However, there may be a middle ground between complaining and bragging, and that’s keeping silent. If you don’t join in with the complaining or try to fix it in some way, people might realize what they are doing. This also happens when you refuse to participate in gossip. However, if you can’t complain or gossip with your friends, what is there to talk about?

Since writing this article, I’ve certainly become more aware of my own mindless complaints. The first words out of my mouth yesterday morning were “Oh! I had a terrible night!” My husband gave the response I needed: “I’m so sorry.” And that was the end of it.

By the way, I’ve looked at your blog. I really appreciate your “About” page. You did what good writers do: You helped me recognize my strongest motivation for blogging. I like your Comment Policy page as well. I’m looking forward to reading your posts.

And no, I hadn’t heard that quote. I’m going to remember that one. Thanks!

By: Sebastyne

Sebastyne — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:20:11 +0000

There is one more reason to complain: Simply fitting in. If you always tell people how your life is fantastic and everything is just the way you want it to be, or simply tell them you have nothing to complain about, for how much longer do you think your friends will identify with you? Have you heard the saying: “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” by Herm Albright? :p

That’s not to say that being overly negative was a good thing, far from it… In fact there are some friends of mine who claim to be positive thinkers but if they just once listened to themselves…

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:03:49 +0000

Thanks for your input, Shirley. Your personal experience is such a good example of why we (I) shouldn’t just turn a deaf ear to complaints — there’s often something else going on, such as loneliness or a wish to be independent. I appreciate your insight, and I’m sure your relative does, too.

By: SBA

SBA — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:50:01 +0000

There a plenty of lessons here. I like the way you give us a sense of how this can creep up on us or others we interface with, but also what can help ‘stop the insanity’. I find I use some of these techniques with an older relative who complains about some ailments that can be easily managed (consistently using heating pad, etc.) or about what other relatives do. I listen (element of loneliness and need for contact) and then help turn the discussion to solutions. It can get frustrating, but I realize she needs help to fix some things. Her independence prevents her from asking — another reason older people may whine.