“Life is full of choices.”
When my children lived at home, they heard that often from me.
I would use the phrase when they would complain about having to do something that was a result of a choice they had made.
They didn’t want to do homework after soccer practice because they were too tired? Well, “life is full of choices. You may not have a choice about the homework, but you had a choice about the soccer.”
Too tired on Saturday morning to help with the housework because they stayed up watching a late movie on TV? “Well, that was your choice, and you have to live with the consequences.”
They heard the phrase from their mean ol’ Mama so often, it became an acronym: L-I-F-O-C.
What It Meant Then
Back then, I used the phrase to remind my longsuffering family members that if their “hardship” was a result of a free choice they had made, they really had no reason to complain. Whether they realized it or not, they had chosen that hardship.
Because I heard myself repeat that phrase so often, I am acutely aware of and try to stop myself before I complain – whether or not the cause of complaint has been my choice. All complaining does is remind you and others of your discontent. Sure, complaining sometimes gets results, but at what price? (But that’s a subject for another post.)
What It Means Now
Recently, when I took on a new responsibility, “L-I-F-O-C” came back to haunt me. I had made a commitment to virtual strangers who, sight unseen, are trusting me with proofing and editing posts on their instructional Blogging with Success. I’m excited about the opportunity; it will let me use my abilities and even expand on them.
However, once the commitment was made, I had to ask myself, “Okay, Cheryl. You’re made this choice. What are you willing to give up in order to honor your commitment?”
A Simple Matter of Time
It’s a simple concept: We are each given only 24 hours in a day. When we choose to do one thing, we have decided not to do an infinite number of other things.
Since lists help give me an objective viewpoint, I typed a quick list of items I do now, have promised to do, or want to do.
Of the 21 items on the list:
- Ten use the phrase: “I have promised to” or “I have agreed to.”
- Two begin with, “I like to.” These are self-indulgent – recreational reading and playing computer games (FreeCell and Facebook’s WordTwist, to be specific).
- The rest include “I should” or “I would like to”: exercise more, call my kids more often, clean out those boxes in the basement, play my piano, follow up on blogging how-to’s I’ve printed out.
- Oh yes! I also like to sleep and eat and take in a Friday night movie with my husband. And then there’s cooking, housework and laundry.
Decision Time
Before I commit to still another responsibility, I need to look at the list I’ve made and realize that if I take on something new, one of those things will have to go. Some items need to go. Most likely, I’ll discover I’m spending too much time on things that didn’t even make the list!
And I’ll remember L-I-F-O-C. It’s a good phrase – both as a reminder and a warning.
By the way, I’ve now edited the copy on two articles for Blogging with Success (for 9/16 and 9/18) and have discovered it won’t be that much of a time commitment. So — if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s my turn on WordTwist.
Talk to me. How do you decide whether or not to say “No” to projects that come your way? I already have a list of seven considerations, the beginning of another post. I’m sure you can add to my list. Thanks for your help.
Oh, Cheryl, love you for this post. You help clarify my own mind. I’m faced with something like this right now. The trap for me is I very often say “yes” because someone else wants me too, then I find I don’t have the time/inclination/skills for what I’ve agreed to do.
My chorus has put out a request for people to sew for the non-sewers and add some intricate trim to the costume (by hand). As you know, that’s my skill area. However, I’ve learned I’m too much a perfectionist in sewing. Though I would do a very good job, I would be slow and very stressed about getting it done in time, so I have NOT been one of the volunteers. I feel selfish and lazy for not contributing, especially since the chorus is one area I am giving nothing to.
I also have the attitude “been there, done that.” I’ve had my time where I have given a lot to the chorus, but now leave much of it to younger members. I’ve heard that attitude criticized (particularly in the church), and maybe rightfully… but at this time in my life, I have other priorities. This is, however, still an area I’m getting a handle on…. not sure my decisions, whether yea or nay, are the right ones.
That is tough, Yvonne. This is one of those decisions no one else can make for you, because there’s no wrong or right to it. And it forces you to examine where your priorities lie.
As much as I like to deny that age has any bearing on a lot of decisions, as we grow older, I think we tend to protect our energy. I choose to believe that’s because we’ve become wiser about our limitations — and the fact that the world (and most projects) will spin just fine without us. We consider the cost – the ramifications of our decision – and then we go on without guilt. (And there’s a great subject for still another post!)
Good thoughts, Cheryl. I need to remind myself of this all the time. I complain way too much! As far as new projects go, I find I am more and more looking at the long term of projects. I don’t want busy work. If I expend the energy to do something, I want it to have, at least somewhat, lasting value. (See that is why I don’t do housework.) My time and energy is limited and I would like it to have made at least a little bit of difference when I have no more.
Mitzi, I love your comment about housework! Regarding that, I think I do just enough to keep myself happy. I de-cluttered and dusted my office yesterday, for instance, because I was not enjoying spending time in here. And sure enough, today I feel more productive.
I also made a conscious decision not to turn on the computer. It was a good choice. Somehow the world kept turning without me on the Internet.
I really liked your comment about looking at long-term benefits, too. That gave me another perspective on making choices. Thanks for your input.
Your sister suggested I take a look at your site…because I’d posted about my own battle with procrastination. I LOVE your suggestion that adding a new item means you first examine your schedule to see if that item can fit in. Most of the time I don’t do this, take on a new commitment…then regret it. Or I’m late finishing it. (Which means I’m then late on other commitments, like dominoes falling.)
The hardest part, though, is dealing with delays you didn’t cause — like sickness, or losing a family member you love. That can put you in a black hole not of your own choosing.
Thanks for writing your blog.
Thanks for your comment, Cindy. That suggestion has come from my own self-examination. I take on new projects, only to feel overwhelmed because I didn’t “count the cost.” So maybe we should allow time for delays, realizing that circumstances are not always under our control. It would be like leaving the house early for an appointment because of possible traffic delays.
You also might compare it to putting money away in an emergency fund. If there’s money there, unexpected expenses don’t seem like an emergency. So maybe we should have something like an “emergency time fund.” That means not scheduling every minute of our day. If that causes us to have time on our hands, we use it to finish a project ahead of time. It may not work all the time, but I think it’s worth a try!
I don’t schedule and I think that is my biggest problem; and when I do schedule I don’t follow. I am truly a hopeless case most of the time. I enjoy my rut but hate being in it! (Figure THAT one out!)
I think some people can probably get things done without a schedule. I guess if you’re able to fulfill the obligations you’ve made — without getting stressed about it — you’re doing okay. Have you ever sat down at the end of the day and listed the things you accomplished? You may be surprised — especially if you consider building relationships as an accomplishment.